#The little kiss between talking AHHHHHHHHHH

[dreaisgrayte]

Hello there, I hope your day is going well. I have a nsfw oneshot request for Mitsuri from KNY if that’s okay. (Preferably female reader)

HEAR ME OUT. Okay so I’ve seen a lot of fanfiction where Mitsuri is a bottom, but I can’t get Soft Dom Mitsuri out of my head- like you know she’s gonna be worshipping the readers body and praising her throughout everything and AHHHH I just know the aftercare is heavenly. (and also let’s just say strap-ons exist in her universe)

*ahem* Anyways, take as much time as you want on this and have a wonderful day mate!

ABSOLUTELY, AMEN, AHHHHHHHHHH (was screaming the whole time I wrote this) Soft Dom Mitsuri lives rent-free in my head. I want to live in this story >:( Why can't I ever get izakied into a story????? DAMN IT Sorry, this took a little longer than I had intended, I was working then a bunch of things happened to where my pregnant cat had three beautiful kittens which I've been co-parenting (since she's a stray and they're outside...which I so badly want to take them inside and cuddle them so nothing happens) Also! The next anime convention I attend, I will be cosplaying Mitsuri! So I'm BEYOND excited about that!! Thank you, annon!!!

Warnings: NSFW, MDNI, kissing, fingering, cunnilingus, face sitting, strap-on, Mitsuri has a thing for fucking reader with her new toy, body worship, cowgirl, Mitsuri is skilled ;) , wholesome aftercare

Word Count: 3.3k

A Secret Technique | Mitsuri Kanroji x fem!reader

As always, Mitsuri Kanroji was grinning ear to ear, the apples of her cheeks a rosy pink. She was captivating, a distraction to the trick you were trying to show her. Ever since you’d met the love Hashira her flexibility had always vexed you. Her ability to twist and contort mid-air was admirable, to say the least. “Is this what you were so excited to show me?” She inquires, walking around your attempt at doing the splits. She hums, a giggle bubbling out when you wince as she pushes on your ankle. “You’re super close YN! We can practice together if you want?” She pops up in front of you, hands clasped together with that fucking adorable excited smile she always wore. 

You tilt your head, closing your legs to wrap them into a sitting position. “Uh, sure.” A stupid smile tugs your lips upward as she squeals, sitting down gracefully in front of you. 

She spreads her legs easily to each side of her hips, her green socks pulling down on her thighs. You gulp as your gaze revels in the plush pink of her skin. Thank the gods her black skirt dips down to cover in between her legs or you’d have a hard time listening to anything else except your heartbeat. “Open your legs,” Mitsuri starts. You choke out a laugh, looking up expecting to see her playful expression, instead, you’re met with a more hungry emotion crossing her face. You do as you’re told, pushing them apart and watching with tensed breath as Mitsuri scoots closer to you. 

She delicately touches the muscle of your upper outer thigh. You gasp as her hand travels down the length of your leg and she makes steady eye contact with you. Goosebumps are erupting down your body as if your flushed cheeks weren’t enough of an indicator of how you were truly feeling. “You know YN,” She lets her gaze drop to where her fingers are tantalizingly traversing their way back up your leg. “I find that using a secret technique helps out immensely when it comes to stretching out.” Mitsuri professes, her electric green eyes flickering up to meet yours. 

A secret technique? You’d been friends with the love Hashira for a while now and she’d never once mentioned a secret technique to you. Here you were, thinking that there were no secrets between you two. Obviously, you were too blinded by how blissful every moment spent with her felt. “Oh, don’t feel pressured to tell me if it’s such a secret or something I wouldn’t want to-”

“YN,” Mitsuri’s gentle hands grab your face, mushing your cheeks to get you to stop talking. “You’re so cute when you start overthinking, but I’m going to need your express consent for what comes next.” The way she’s gazing into your eyes nearly makes your body go numb. How could one person be so perfect? 

She lets go of your face, placing her hands back on your thighs, this time with a little more command of where she grabs. You glance down, worried she might feel how erratic your pulse is through your skin. Between your thighs was a vortex of neediness, pleading with your brain to be fucked by the woman in front of you. Every time she got near your cunt, things got a little complicated inside your body. Hopefully, this secret technique would require you to climb a mountain far away from your growing desire. “I trust you Mitsuri, you can do anything you want.” 

Her lips twitch in a grin, but before you have any time to wonder why in the hell she was bracing your feet against hers, she pulls your thighs against hers – and swiftly kisses your lips. You groan at the burning sensation of your body feeling like it’s being torn apart, but as you lick your lips you can taste the sweet honey Mitsuri had eaten earlier. Somehow, it’s even sweeter than when you shared in the delicacy. Your fingertips brush against the tender skin of your lips, a stuttering breath blowing out of your mouth. “Do you understand what I mean now?” She inquires, letting your legs return to a less painful stretch. You gulp, blinking up to meet her gaze. 

You feel hazy, your skin is burning – but in the best way possible. “Not really, but I’d like to do more of that,” You putter out, swinging yourself into a kneeling position. Mitsuri giggles, doing the same, walking over to you on her knees. She smiles gently grabbing your hands.

Her uniform leaves little to the imagination and you are looking… disrespectfully. Have you always felt this draw toward Mitsuri? You’d assumed it was the desire to be her friend – and while that’s been enjoyable – you can’t help but wonder if you had an underlying motive for getting so close to her. “You do understand the secret technique is…sex, right?” Your eyes widen as you jerk your head to take in the expression on her face – completely serious. Whatever your motives were, it didn’t matter, all that mattered was pressing your lips into hers, so that’s what you do. Her fingers card through your hair, humming in delight as your hand finds her chest, tracing the curve of her cleavage. 

Your heart is beating like crazy as your chest swells with something akin to excitement. To think this was how you were spending your day. Kissing Mitsuri was like praying to a shrine and the gods blessing you with eternal riches and splendor. The way her plush lips formed against yours, trailing kisses down your cheek and neck, surely this is the paradise sought after. 

Mitsuri seemingly knew all the sensitive parts of your body – you weren’t sure if this was because you were both women, but as a Hashira Mitsuri knew the inner workings of how the body reacts. She was damn good at putting that knowledge into practice. Her mouth works against yours, lips slightly parting allowing her to slip her tongue into your mouth. The kiss was passionate, Mitsuri guiding you all the way onto your back. You’re both panting as she hovers above you. “Have you ever been with a woman before?” She inquires, looping her leg over your waist. She now sits on top of you and fuck was it a view. Her cheeks are red, her hair messy in parts, her chest heaving, and her warmth was spreading all over your body. 

There was a time when you had a mission in the entertainment district and having haven in one of the tea houses, you were alone with a gaggle of courtesans who were happy enough to show you how fun it could be to share intimacy with the same sex. One of them spoke of having a certain tool able to render men practically obsolete if you were into that sort of thing. You did think some men could be the absolute worst, but being evil wasn’t in their core, that much you could tell. The world can twist and confine anyone into becoming something they’re not. Just like demons, not all of them asked to be that way, yet the corps eradicated all demonic creatures. Needless to say, the company of men would not be forgotten by you, but if the only person you ever laid with again was Mitsuri – you’d be fine with that. “Yes, more than one.” Mitsuri’s eyes widen, then her face slowly curls into a grin. 

She places the palm of her hand flush against your chest. “Then you won’t have a problem,” She moves up your body, lifting her skirt up. Your breath catches when you realize her pussy was on you this whole time. Your gaze flits up to meet hers. “Stick your tongue out, darling. I’m going to test just how much you know.” She fluffs her skirt out over your head, hovering above your mouth with her bare cunt. Her thighs muffle any sounds from the outside world but amplify your beating pulse. Gods this was going to kill you – but what a way to go. 

Your tongue laps at her folds, enjoying the way you can feel her shiver above you. Her arousal was heady but a sweet tanginess floods into your mouth. Of course Mitsuri Kanroji had a delicious pussy. Your hands wrap around her thighs, locking her into position as you taste her again and again. You lift your skull off the ground to suck on her puffy clit, swirling your tongue around it with precision. Her thighs shake and then she’s pushing your head back down by sitting on your face. You happily make work of her clit, using the flat of your tongue to glide through her slick folds. Your face is soaking, a mixture of drool, sweat, and arousal coating your skin. The sounds you can hear are the sucking and slurping of a job well done for Mitsuri lets out a cry loud enough for you to hear. Her fingers are suddenly intertwined in your hair, pulling on the strands. A shiver runs through you as you smack your mouth against her pink pussy. Her muscles tense and she shutters, shaking as she cums all over your face. 

Mitsuri swings her leg over your face, a delightful moan rumbling from her chest. “I only wish you could’ve seen what a perfect job you did. You should’ve warned me about how good you are at eating pussy,” She presses the heel of her hand into her forehead as she laughs. You join in, sitting up to get a better look at her. 

She’s blushing, but the main difference you take note of is how her uniform is pulled open, revealing her perfect breasts. It sends a spike of want through your chest. She notices you gawking and squeaks. She shyly turns her back. “What are you doing? I want to see.” You reach out to grab her shoulder but she tosses a glare at you instead. 

You’re shocked. What happened? Gods, did you mess up somehow? You’re about to ask her what’s going on when she turns around, an adorable pout present on her face this time. “It’s not fair YN, you’ve gotten to see all of me and I haven’t seen more of your, frankly, gorgeously perfect body.” She twiddles her fingers together, nervously looking into your eyes. You can’t help but grin widely and Mitsuri slaps your shoulder. 

“You can’t be serious, you’re the one perfect thing in this world.” You exclaim, watching as she shakes her head.

“Well, that’s fine because your body is like a goddess’. In fact…” She drags a hand down your body, stopping at the hem of your skirt. “I think it’s about time I reward you for doing such a good job.” You bashfully watch her unbuckle your belt and pull it out of the loops slowly enough to drive you mad. She tosses it to the side with a smirk, pulling your skirt down your thighs. Her eyes meet yours. “Sit down,” She instructs, pushing at your chest until you’re in a laying position yet again. Your skirt is yanked off the rest of the way and there’s a long beat of silence. You lift your head to peek at Mitsuri who is gazing down at you lovingly. “YN, you’re so beautiful, may I?” She nods to the apex of your thighs, a giddiness in her voice. You nod and she wastes no time in spreading your knees apart. “You’re so wet already.” She giggles, reaching out to stroke some of your arousal that had accumulated from eating this gorgeous woman’s pussy. You hiss as her fingers dip into you, spreading the slick around until she slips inside your entrance – smiling the whole time. “Your pussy is such a pretty color YN, you’re doing such a good job for me.” She praises, sending a wave of a gooey feeling through you. 

Mitsuri braces herself on your knee, which is bent upward, as she works her fingers inside of you. Her gaze switches between observing your reaction to her hooking her fingers or swiping at a sensitive spot, to watching her fingers get eaten up by your greedy cunt. It made her thighs clench together watching how well you took her fingers. You were perfect and Mitsuri couldn’t think of anyone better to experiment with her new toy than you. 

Your hands are clenched, jerking your hips upward onto her fingers. She chuckles lowly, taking in how cute you were when you were desperately chasing your climax. She uses her free hand to rub your clit in small circles, edging you closer to orgasm. Mitsuri was curious how you would look and how you’d sound after she made you cum. You were certainly moaning up a storm as you bucked against her. You whimper and then groan as she works your clit directly. “That’s it, my pretty girl, you can cum now.” Her fingers are pumping in and out, overstimulating you as you careen off your crest of pleasure. Your throat is scratchy as you scream out, trembling against her gentle, yet relentless,  touch. The world is full of bright colors – a brilliant spectrum of satisfaction. 

As you try to catch your breath Mitsuri enjoys watching your body still shudder in waves of your previous orgasm. “YN…” She plays with a strand of your hair, curling it around her fingers with an absentminded expression. Your attention is on her – as if you could focus on anything else. “A little while ago I had to go to the swordsmith village and while I was there I got talking with a special smith. She has a shop that creates amazing things and I’d like to share with you what I bought there,” Her eyes gleam with an excited glitter. 

You raise a brow, sitting up from the floor. “I’d love that.” You exclaim, following Mitsuri into a standing position. She grabs your hand and leads you through the halls of her manor until she stops in front of what you remember to be her bedroom door. Your thighs are sticky and as you walk into the room Mitsuri rummages through a cupboard. You peer at her room, but you don’t have much time to admire how it’s decorated because Mitsuri drops her skirt and removes the rest of her clothing. Your pussy throbs with desire watching her muscular yet curvy body move around the room. 

She gathers what looks like a belt in her hand. “YN, my sweet, I’m going to need you to undress and get on your knees.” She chirps, fastening the belt around her thighs and waist. You hesitate for a moment, then scurry to follow her orders. Once you’re on your knees she turns around with lust-filled eyes. Your eyes travel down her body, stopping briefly to hungrily gaze at her tits, but something catches your attention. 

Attached to the belt she had latched around herself is a long pink phallic-shaped apparatus. Your lips part, your heart ramming against your ribcage as you look back into Mitsuri’s eyes.  “Well? Open your mouth, sweetheart.” You do as you are told, the image of Mitsuri with a cock causing you to reach down in between your thighs. You play with your sensitive and puffy clit, moaning as Mitsuri hits the cock against your face. “Mmm, you’re so pretty YN, so pretty and perfect for me. You make me so horny.” Then she places the tip against your lips, groaning softly as the head pushes into your mouth. “Gods, you have no idea what you’re doing to me,” She moves her cock in your mouth, grabbing a fistful of your hair. “That's it, choke on my cock,” She huffs, throwing her head back. Spit dribbles down your chin as the surprisingly soft cock rubs against the corners of your mouth. You abuse your clit, hungry for a crest. This was so hot, you would never forget this in all of your life. 

Mitsuri takes note of how you play with your clit while sucking on her length. Her mouth twitches up in a grin. “Ah, hungry for more?” She pops the tip out of your mouth and rests the wet toy against your cheek as you pant, dazed eyes pleading with her. “Lay on the bed with your gorgeous pussy in the air.” 

On your back, legs hooked around Mitsuri’s arms, she pushes her cock inside of you after spitting on your pussy. Your eyes roll back as she thrusts into you, cooing about how you’re so good, so perfect, you’re doing so well. You ball the sheets in your fists, moans gasping out of your throat. “Ah, ngh, please m’gonna, oohngh,” Your tits are bouncing up and down, Mitsuri can’t look away. Hearing your noises of pleasure and seeing how you squirm under her, it was all so perfect. 

She wanted to see you on top of her, cum all over her cock. “One second baby,” With how strong Mitsuri is she’s able to pick you up, fucking you still, then flips herself to be laying on the bed. She gasps as your weight settles on her, riding her like a good girl. “Fuck,” She hisses, digging her nails into your thighs, you play with your tits as you bounce on her cock. 

Your nipples are bruises, a splendor of painful pleasure radiating through your body. “Feels s’good,” You hum, but Mitsuri hasn’t had enough yet. She presses the pad of her thumb against your clit, rubbing it relentlessly. 

“Does it? You’re taking it so well,” She coos, excitedly watching you shudder in ecstasy from her musings on your clit. “Good girl,”

Her words send shocks of electricity coursing your veins like your very blood. “Gods, Mitsuri, m’gonna,” You plant your palms on her stomach, slapping your ass against her thighs. You hang your head while panting crazily. As Mitsuri stimulates your clit and pussy the cool magma washes over you as you jerk her cock deep inside of you. You cum hard all over her, laying down against her chest, breath rapid. 

She’s breathing hard too, but she pets your head, kissing your forehead. “You’re so perfect YN,” You giggle against her skin, lifting your head to look her in the eyes. 

She smiles sweetly back, pressing her forehead against yours. “What a secret technique,” Mitsuri blushes and laughs as she looks away. 

“Yeah, not my best pick-up line.” You shake your head and nuzzle against her again. 

“I thought it was great.” You mumble. Mitsuri shifts out from under you, sliding her cock out of you as she does. You pout with the empty sensation. 

She stands up and smiles down at you. “I’ll be right back.” Mitsuri returns a couple of minutes later with a steamed towel and a plate full of honey butter toast. She sets the plate next to you and lifts your leg to clean your thighs and slick cunt. You moan lightly at the warm sensation and her eyes darken for a second. “Careful you whore,” She slaps your ass with a playful grin. You hum, shoving toast into your mouth with careless hunger. Mitsuri tosses the towel to the floor, sitting down gently next to you. “Maybe next time I can teach you-”

“Another secret technique?” You interrupt, a few crumbs of toast spitting out of your mouth. She chuckles, wiping away the slight mess on your mouth with her thumb. 

Mitsuri brings her finger to her lips, her tongue darting out to taste the honey. “Mhm,” She gazes at you like you’re the sweet treat. 

You grin, kicking your feet in the air. “Yes please,” 

[lazzarella]

Every episode is over too quickly, even though they're mostly getting longer ;__; anyway, back again with my rambling nonsensical notes!!!

- Aww! Baby!Dee!

- Gah, they're so sweet (visiting the little boy)

- "At least it reminded me I hadn't been forgotten" Ouch!! Guessing Dee's parents were quite absent when he was a kid? (Though I guess we don't know yet when they died)

- holy crap, these two gazing at each other when they're taking a photo with the little boy lmao at least Yak was paying attention

- How can Yak still be Dee's patient when everyone knows they're dating?

- "One month, five days, etc." DUDE!!!! Are you— I just can't...

- lol @ Dee not remembering Yak's birthday! But I did! XD (really should have posted that screenshot of his file that I've had saved in my drafts since ep 1... Sigh)

- "Find joy in becoming someone else in your own way"

- I love Kao <333

- Yak sulking and taking Dee's drink was so cute :3

- bloody hell, Yei just pulling Cher onto his lap like that O_O

- "You wear size 56?" I LOVE YOU, GRANDMA!

- Ahhhhh! Yak's face when grandma says he must be the reason Dee's watching boxing now!!! He's so pleased!!!

- lmaoooooo the giant dick plushie!!! (That bloody thing haunts me on aliexpress btw!!!! I can't search for anything without it popping up, as it were)

- look, I know I always gush over how soft Yak is but seeing him cuddling Ice Bear was almost too much for me

- "I've gotten used to having you in my arms" WHO SAYS THAT, YAK?? WHO???? Not fake boyfriends that's who!

- And now he's pouting because he wants to cuddle!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhh

- And then he brings up Taem. Well done! lol

- (Okay, it's clear—or, well, likely—he's just clinging to his crush on Taem any time his feelings for Wandee rear their pretty head(s), but... Jeez, dude!)

- And Dee's face? His response??? He's not talking about Taem

- "Let's find something fun to do!" I love you, Grandma!

- Yak taking a video of her ;__;

- Okay, her all black outfit is super cool! And she's wearing creepers!! I think...

- Yak referring to himself as Dee's boyfriend at the cemetery... *pinches bridge of nose* I can't handle much more of this. And Dee's deflection! Ahhh. The way they're both dealing with their developing feelings is so interesting and delicious to watch

- oh that outfit does not suit Yak…

- I wonder if Yei is doing underground fights for $$$ to help the gym??? And that’s why he didn’t get physical with Cher. Idk

- Yak offering to help Dee again <33333

- There really is purple and yellow everywhere! (The cardboard Taem was carrying)

- I need a comparison between Taem's reaction when Yak grabbed her hand (not really comfortable) vs when he grabs Dee's hand!!!

- And Yak could be spending more time with Taem but he already had plans with Dee! Gosh, he's just... Oh, that boy!

- Ahhh! They're baking! They're having a flour fight! They're flirting over food again!!

- (Is this the first time we've seen Dee in the elephant pants too?)

- Holy shit, the audacity of Ter taking Kwan to the same restaurant and are they sitting at the same table???????

- so many short shorts and cut off tees and I'm not complaining

- awww! The tiny drink buddy dude has a name!

- The TENSION when they're listening to Fluke's song though??? JFC. You need a ginsu to cut through that

- YOU HAVE SWEET EYES??!!! No comment. I just can't lol

- smooch blocked by the oven timer! lol they really were going to kiss that time, though

- Ahhhhh, Dee looks so happy!!!!

- Yak taking and posting a photo of Gooddy on his glass was adorable :3

- (ngl, with them standing so close to the edge of the balcony, I was envisioning Gooddy going over the side lol)

- love them plugging the new line stickers in the toothbrush bit

- YoryakWandee vs WandeeYoryak is giving me duck season vs rabbit season lol

- Ahhhh! Next week's preview!!! How am I meant to wait???

[kitty-kedi]

10. Balcony

Luz: then i climbed on to her balcony

Camila: wait you climbed her balcony?!

Luz: well not climbed i used a plant glyph and it lifted me up so i......magiced my way up to her balcony?

Camila: how did you do magic!?

Luz: oh wait that's right i never told you about glyphs!. Oh well I'll explain that later now back to the story. İ got onto her balcony, i was gonna go in before i overheard some talk between amity and hers siblings and i came up.

Luz: it was really sweet. And confirmed what i already knew and is that i have an awsoem girlfriend who knows me so well. Then we had a sweet little reunion And i promised her a date when it was all over.

Camila: awwww and then what

Luz: then well...... She kissed me!!!!

Camila: ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!! OH MY GOSH!!! You've had your first kiss and you haven't told me untill now!!!????

Luz: yes!!! But that isn't it because afterward j do the most embarrassing thing ever!!!! İ said crickey, frickin cricky like why!!! Why can't i be normal!!! why was that the first thing that came to mind!! Stupid brain!!!

[everyone-has-their-story]

wtfockdown commentary with my sister: clips 21-25

Zoe’s look of inner turmoil about Senne is how I look when I’m deciding between Oreo’s and brownies.

Clip #21- Amber/Aaron

Wait before you play it..what is Aaron and Amber’s ship name? Aber? Amron? Both sound like cheap ass airlines...get back to me on that

Are they going to talk about the dickpick incident of 2020?

She’ll answer..

Workout? Girl, why?

That is one bright ass purple wall

She is NOT impressed

She SHOULD be ignoring you

You go, girl!

Yes it is because of that...you dumbass

NO, NO she didn’t find it hot...it was creepy

No one wants unwanted dickpics in their messages…

SO?? Girlfriend or not..you don’t do that!

Yes, go Amber!

Damn right she is right

I would fucking hope not…

I’m sure she can think of something for you to do

Don’t ask for it...just don’t

Yes, a workout sounds great...for you! For me, it sounds fucking terrible

He’s got a tracksuit on..he’s ready

This is a weird workout

Muscles? Aaron? HA! Those don’t exist...jk I believe in you Aaron

Aw these two are such dorks, what a great match

Aaron you are killing it...keep going!

Aaron looks like he is mixing up potions with those moves *dies laughing*

That was such a wholesome clip

Clip #22- Senne/Nina

Oh hey this girl is back

She looks less than impressed which is a shame because Senne has a guitar

Eh...depends on the movie

No, he doesn’t want you talking during a movie (...is she serious? lol)

Just kidding he said he would do it

Will it be fun though? With me, yes it would, but with you? Eh the jury is still out on you

A romantic movie, you say? How about Robbe and Sander’s love story...I hear it got excellent reviews

Senne hates love unless it involves Zoe

She already chose and you said nooooo!

How much enthusiasm can you have about watching a movie?

Yikes…

Angry little Seppe

I mean...SOMETHING is wrong

That’s a fair point

He’s on his period

OOP!!!!!! Ahhhhh abort! Abort!!!

Man down, man down!! Abort!!

Ahhhhhhhhhh

This a trainwreck.....keep going

I mean at least it wasn’t during sex! Look at the positives, Nina

A slip of the tongue...except he also is in love with Zoe so maybe not such a mistake

You tell ‘em Nina!

She said boy byeeeeeee!

Oh little Seppe what am I gonna do with you..

Clip #23- Sander vlog #4

Sander you thirsty hoe….and Robbe you love it, don’t lie!

Also, texting in the beginning means a Sander video right?!

Time for a video!!

Yeah the apothe-whatever it is...that thing!

Robbe hit him with 3 exclamation points

YES!

End of the lockdown? Jealous...can’t relate

“My dear Robbe”?? Oh this boy…

THE SCHOOL!

They did more than find each other

Yes, kisses, explosions! BOOM!

He is so fucking extra. I love him. Robbe you lucky little shit

Hahahahahaha Robbe come get your man hahaha

No we certainly will not know a love like that. You absolutely right.

That little snort! How can he be so adorable but also so attractive at the same time? Unfair.

I really miss him too. And you! Both of you!! 

Oh gosh I wasn’t ready for him to hit me with the “forever”

Fuck you, Sander, I wasn’t ready!

He needs a hug! Coronavirus be damned, someone hug this man

Ahhhhh chernobyl!!!! BOOOOOOM!

Me too! (counting down the days)

Don’t be a Debby Downer, Robbe!!

Ever the realist...ugh, shut up with your facts Robbe

Robbe out here crushing his man’s dreams

Sander is so sad!!! Robbe stop with your facts!

Fuck the security council...whatever that is

….The lockdown has been lifted! I am the council, I say it has been lifted for these two boys and these two boys only. 

Clip #24- Boy Squad

Robbeeeeeee!

Moyo your dancing is great but no one cares

Robbe and Jens couldn’t care less

Robbe looks great in the black sweatshirt

Naps are the best, right Aaron? I feel ya

Pictionary?! Hahahahaha

No Farmville, Jens?

LOL at Moyo

Jens, why do you know everything?

Robbe’s hair is looking extra floofy

Jens exposing Aaron! Hahahaha

Even Moyo knows that’s bad 

For shame, Aaron, for shame

No shit Sherlock

Yes, he has and she has forgiven him...unfortunately

The boys are disappointed and you know it’s bad when Moyo knows that a no-no

No one cares about your balls

Blue balls sounds bad you should consult a doctor

Welcome to quarantine life, get over it Aaron

Robbe “can’t relate” IJzermans

LOOK AT HIS FACE!

Robbe I’m so proud of you

Yes, rub it in their face that you’re still getting some!

Robbe doesn’t kiss and tell, unlike you morons

Boys jealousy level 100, good for you Robbe

Hahahaha this man said “I’m still getting some, be jealous, now let’s play some pictionary”

Robbe you need a few lessons from your boyfriend because your art is trash

Robbe nooooooo

The fact that these dudes are playing pictionary is fucking hilarious

What’s next? Charades? Heads up? Words with friends?

Seriously, Sander needs to give him a few lessons...like start with connecting the dots and color by numbers

Robbe is concentrating so hard...bless his kind soul

Clip #25- Girl Squad

Ladies!!

Aww yasmina is missing her fam

Jana getting bangs is one of the best decisions she’s ever made

I’m so happy they are taking interest in this for Yasmina

I’ve had way too much time to think, but I’m glad Yasmina is loving it

She looks so peaceful but also sad

Oh gosh don’t ask Amber about Aaron

Then you made him exercise with you

Amber you sweet innocent soul

Yeah Zoe, what about YOU?!

Luca is all of us

She should have an OLD bf not a new one

Jana just started a riot hahaha

Yes, talking again...and then hanging up 

*pauses it* There are two types people in this call: those who are loving the gossip and the drama which are Amber and Luca and then those who know this is going to end badly and just want Zoe to move on and that is Jana and Yasmina

Okay continue..

GREAT question Luca! 

Yasmina has got a great point..

Jana looks so pretty

Also, is wall decoration like not a thing in Belgium? 

Zoe looks so torn...poor, sweet 2nd fave bleach blonde

WILL it be alright? I like you optimism though Amber

Man if Zoenne gets back together I’m gonna need to see the girl’s reactions

[buriedinbleach]

Am I the only one who thinks that Byakuya talking dirty is incredibly hot. Imagine that hoity toity, butter wouldn't melt voice telling you EXACTLY how many fingers are going where once you get home. Ahhhhhhhhhh help

How am I supposed to help with this?! Do you have any idea what you’ve done to me? I’m weak for a deep voice. And just to be clear, whenever you guys have me writing for Byakuya, I’m reminded of how hot he is. Agh! Did I need another name to add to my thirst list?! Probably… 😏

Sorry this seemed to have gotten buried in my inbox for so long!

*Cut for length... and smut, of course* (unless mobile decided to be an asshole about it)

*I think everyone HC’s Byakuya as someone who has a little wilder side than that austere, apathetic, noble demeanor would suggest. That youthful hot-head persona is still lurking just beneath the surface of that glacial pond.

*However, you would be the only one who gets to see - and feel - that wild side. And only ever in private… with one unexpected exception.

*Byakuya absolutely takes advantage of the fact that no one would ever expect anything improper from the Captain of the Sixth Division and 28th Head of the Kuchiki Clan. Its easy enough for him to get away with his act when even you seem to forget what he’s really like underneath all of that stuffy nonsense.

*He chooses his moment carefully for prime shock value. But he can never resist sneaking in a quick whisper in your ear when he watches you interact so easily and skillfully with his noble family members.

*You could have thought you glimpsed Byakuya safely across the room only a minute before, but somehow the second the crowd of old curmudgeonly women you’re speaking to departs, his firm muscles are pressing into your back and that sinful voice is in your ear.

*Byakuya lips ghost over your ear, his eyes coldly fixate on a far away point so no one suspects anything romantic is going on. His soothing, deep voice fills you with molten heat that bubbles to life with every commanding whisper. (Byakuya is still the dom even if he has to appear to have immaculate manners.)

*Soon it would become a game: how fast could he get you out of there and back home; or how long you could out.

*He would start out slowly, telling you how beautiful your dress is, followed up with how he’s much more interested in what’s underneath that beautiful dress, and that he’d like to watch you take it off slowly for him at home. Having laid the initial groundwork, Byakuya leaves again.

*Unfortunately, its not just his words that have the ability of getting you hot and bothered (though they will). It’s the way he catches your eyes across the room that really does it. Everytime you look for him, he’s already been watching you, his cool, gun-metal grey gaze shoots right to your core. Your eyes will meet for a fraction of a second before Byakuya looks away again - just enough for you to notice how warm his eyes look when he’s looking only at you.

*While you’re suitably distracted, he’ll appear at your back again, seemingly out of nowhere. This time, he discreetly trails once finger up the back of your thigh while he brings his lips to your ear. You take deep, slow breaths; a jolt of electricity races down your spine when Byakuya finally speaks, transitioning fluidly from how soft your skin looks, to how good it feels.

*Byakuya will coolly remind you that he knows the softest spot on you - or rather, in you. He’ll whisper that he can’t wait to feel you clench around him, or humm in your ear how he wants to watch you writhe beneath him when he brushes your clit and curls just right.

*He almost never gets any further than that before you’re flushed and panting for breath. Byakuya calmly explains that you aren’t feeling well and it would be best to take you home. With the state you’re in, they believe it. Most of the nobles in the Seireitei think you’re very ill after three social gatherings end this exact same way.

*Once you’re out of view, Byakuya would scoop you up and use his fastest shunpo to get you home. He’s teased you enough, but it was at a cost to himself. He’s already half-hard by the time you leave the party, and listening to you moan his name against his neck on the way home finishes the job.

*The door to the bedroom barely latches shut before he’s pulling off your clothes, leaving your beautiful lingerie on just a little longer.

*All his previous urgency moments before fades away and he’s back to calm, collected, steamy-but-cool Byakuya who can’t help but tease you a little more. The rest of the night is something like this:

He eases you down into the futon. Byakuya’s warm muscles blanket one side of your body, holding your wrists above your head with one hand, he traces the curve of your stomach with the other - slowly dipping lower.

“As soft as you are here,” his fingers ghost over breast, making you whimper. “It’s nothing compared to here.” This time, his fingers trace your damp slit over the fabric, applying just enough pressure to make you moan.

Byakuya’s warm lips brush against the shell of your ear; his words are even and controlled, but you can hear the heat - feel the hunger - inside of him. “No, that’s still not the softest part of you,” he deftly pulls your underwear out of the way, sinking one finger into your heat. The second your mouth opens in a gasp, Byakuya adds a second finger, devouring every moan pushed past your lips.

“That is the softest part.” His fingers skim your sweet spot. Moaning, you throw your arms around his shoulders, angling your hips up against his palm as it grinds against your clit.

Byakuya’s lips move slowly over your ear, along your jaw, and down your neck. His hand quickens its pace, pulsing, curling, rocking - the fire deep inside your stomach began to creep and consume your body slowly. It crackled and snapped at your oversensitive nerves, numbing your mind to everything but his warm, thick voice in your ear, and his hand stoking the fire to life from deep within you.

“ah! Love, I-” Your body began to twitch and flutter.

His tongue traces the shell of your ear, your fingers sink into his muscles while you try to choke back moans of his name. “Come for me, ___. Let me feel you.” The dark, lustful, syrupy tone of his voice pushes you over the edge.

Byakuya kisses you deeply - slowly - when your walls contract around his fingers, pulling against the hardness filling you. ‘Not quite what I was hoping for, but gods he really knows what he’s doing!’ When you pull away, gasping for breath, he continues stroking you through your release, easing you back down while teasing your nipple through the lace bra.

As the stars begin to fade from your field of vision, Byakuya peels your underwear off and kneels between your thighs, massaging your muscles and caressing your soft skin. His lips brush across your neck, tasting each gasping breath you draw while tightening your legs around his hips.

He smiled.

Byakuya’s lips parted, his warm tongue ran from your collar bone to your earlobe. Your hips mimic his rolling motion, arching up, craving the friction he promised - and so much more. One grind of his hips against your clit made you throw your head back, moaning for him in a hedonistic tone. Only when you begin relaxing back into the bed do you loosen your muscles enough to feel Byakuya length sinking into your core.

Your nerves sing to life as Byakuya holds your hip, inching forward, dragging over your sweet spots - multiple times if any particular angle made you cry out.

Byakuya’s voice at your ear, his heavy breaths, it all makes you shake in anticipation, just a hairs breadth from ecstasy. “You’re so beautiful, my love. My joy. Let me see you again.”

How could anyone refuse a request like that? As you topple down the euphoric canyon that is your release, you drag Byakuya willingly along with you - whispering in your ear the entire time.

[darthspideys]

My thoughts on Phase 4

I AM SO EXCITED FOR PHASE 4 let me just start with that. Just generally, without knowing much about the movies or trailers or anything I am pumped. It looks so cool and there are going to be so many more heroes in the universe and that makes me so happy. I know some people want more focus on like the characters from previous phases but I love that they're staring out with new stuff because its the end of the infinity saga and they want to showcase that before immediately going into sequels and threequels. 

Before I get into specific series and movies I want to talk about a couple of general things:

Disney + : I don’t like that “phase 4″ also includes the series(s). don’t get me wrong, I love them like series(s) were my favorite announcements of the night but like it’s weird that they're technically counted in the phase. It makes me feel like if you don’t watch the series you're going to be missing a plot point from a movie which would irk because its a lot easier to buy a movie ticket once or twice a year than to pay for a streaming service every month (though I’ll give Disney this 6.99 isn’t a bad price that's only like a dollar more than Hulu with commercials) . 

The logos: Look I know logos aren’t everything but like some of those were... how you say garbage? terrible? a crime? Like some of them were spiderman far from home advertizements bad in terms of graphic design (I’m sure we’re going to see a lot of people using the ‘graphic design is my passion’ meme and it's totally appropriate). Not all of them we’re bad though, like The Eternals one was soo good, I liked how the background was kind of like a starry night, and the Shang Chi one good and the Doctor Strange one was okay. The Hawkeye logo was *chefs kiss* perfect, I love how they took the Fractions Hawkeye logo and updated it a bit because wow yes. The Loki logo was so bad I can’t even look at it, the fan made ones were so much better, loki I’m sorry you deserved better than some clip art that I think makes a word.... and the wandavision one was just werid but then again everything about them is werid so

The casts: MARVEL HAS THE BEST CASTS EVER that’s it im saying it, no I do not take constructive criticism. Say what you will about the movie but like the amount of talent that has been and will be in the mcu is astounding I mean we had RDJ and Chris Evans, who are amazing and Brie Larson (who by the way has a freaking oscar) and now we’re going to have Salma Hayek, Richard Madden, Kumal Nanjani, Natalie Portman is back, MAHERSHA ALI IS BLADE LIKE WOW (I think he has an oscar too correct me if I’m wrong), Awkafina is gonna be in chang chi (I love her sm), and so many others just the amount of talent is astounding. 

The diversity: SO MANY WOMEN. AHHH JAne foster as female thor??? Our first LGBTQ character (confirmed at least) is going to be a bi black woman??? AMazing??? Another headlining black superhero with blade?? 

Moving on to the actual movies and shows. I’m putting a read more because idk if I’m going to talk about every individual announcement but I might so-

My favorite announcement by far had to be the Hawkeye series, because KATE BISHOP BABEY. She is my favorite marvel comics character and soon to be mcu character :) and now she’s going to get the love she deserves and more people will know about her which makes me so happy. Also it’s interesting that they didn’t announce her casting, so I have hope that maybe they will cast someone asian since that’s always been my headcanon for her even though she’s white in the comics. I’m trying not to use a lot of screaming in caps sentences but just know when I think about Kate being on my screen I AM SCREAMING. When I first saw the post about the series I cried because I was so so happy. And fingers crossed this series is taking cues from the fractions hawkeye comics because that really encapsulated Clint’s character in a way the mcu... hasnt (I really hate mcu clint but that’s a story for another time) so I hope that while they introduce Kate they also fix mcu’s clint and make him actually likable.  (if you couldn't tell I really really don’t like MCU clint.) or at the very least not screw up Kate like they did mcu clint. 

Next up THE SAMBUCKY SERIES. (I know it has a real title but like thats long and I can’t spell soildier to save my life sooo yeah I’m gonna call it the sambucky series in tags and stuff). I know not alot of people are talking about this because we already knew that it was happening, so it’s like yeah we already saw that but seeing Mackie and Stan up on stage together just made it feel so real and it made me so excited. And then Mackie was holidng the shield and I was like ahhhhhhhhhh hes freaking captain America!!! I could write a million essays about why its so important that hes cap and why it means to much to me and a lot of people but,,, another post for another time. But anyway these characters and the actors who play them have so much good chemistry that I can’t wait to really see it. One thing I’m not so excited about... the logo. There was a totally different logo when Disney + originally announced it and I liked that one so much better, this one is just... clunky?? idk but it’s not having that big an impact on my life lol its more of an annoyance then anything. 

I feel like now I should mention an actual movie.. 

THE ETERNALS. I’m going to admit I don’t know that much about the characters or the team (which I will soon fix when I do my wiki deep dive to find out everything) but if your judging just by the cast, this movie is going to be great. I mean the amount of talent in this movie is outstanding and I really have high hopes for what it could be. 

Doctor Strange: The multiverse of madness intrigues me more than I thought it would. Like for starters the name is pretty ominous, and the fact that we’re getting an actual confirmation/movie about the multiverse (far from home really let me down in that regard) is really exciting. Also it’s supposed to be the first “scary” mcu movie, I don’t know how scary they can get with a PG-13 rating (which I’m going to guess there going to try to keep because there’s a big chunk of the fanbase that’s young) but that really made me interesting. ALSO WANDA MAXIMOFF IS GOING TO BE IN IT, so that makes me so excited for it because although I’m not the biggest fan of Wanda's character (which I blame J*ss Wh*don for completely and her lack of characterization in the rest of the mcu and the complete nerfing of her powers.... another post for another time.) I’ve always wanted to see her and Steven use magic togther and I’ve seen a few panels where Wanda, Strange and Loki form a little magic squad which I WOULD VERY MUCH LOVE to see put on screen (minus Loki I’m guessing), also maybe this movie will fix a little bit of her characterization? One thing that makes me nervous about this though is the teaser that it “directly connects” to the wandavision series, if I’m not able to get Disney plus and watch the show I don’t want to have missed out on plot points for the movie but I guess we’ll see. 

since I mentioned it already, lets talk WandaVision. The logo as a mentioned earlier is so very bad, but- yeah idk it’s just very bad. Also the name is really werid? like wandavision with no space? It’s like they went to tumblr, found thier ship name and was like ‘that sounds like a great name for a show’ (that is their ship name right?). I was not planning on watching this show at all UNTIL I found out that FREAKING GROWN UP MONICA RAMBEAU is going to be in it. I didn’t think they would ever bring her up again in the mcu so I’m so happy that she is going to be in this show and I hadn’t even heard any rumors about this so it was a really fun suprise. Am I sure that they are only putting her in the show so that people will watch the trainwreck that is wanda and visions relationship? Yes. But will I fall into the trap because of Monica? YES. But I think this show could be good if your willing to get past the obvious weridness of human girl is in love with basically a robot, a human looking robot sure if your being generous and maybe not fully a robot (a synthoid?) but it’s still werird because he's not human.  I’m curious to see what timeline they use for this, because vision is still dead at the end of endgame. I guess they could use the 2 years between civil war and infinity war but that’s just not a lot of time for a complete story (and if this show “directly connects” the doctor strange 2 then that means that movie takes place pre-thanos as well which would be werid) 

That all being said, I am really excited to see Wanda’s character done by someone who isn’t J*ss Wh*don or the R*ssos because they screwed her up so bad and she was such a badass and powerful character in the comics (my personal theory is that all of these men saw that and went ‘a powerful woman? more powerful then men? we can’t have that around here’ like what was done with Carol in endgame). 

BLADE. We don’t know much about this movie and I don’t know much about the character but I AM PUMPED even though we don’t have a release date for it yet. I just think Mahersha Ali is so talented and I love Black lead heros so yeah. 

THOR: LOVE AND THUNDER am I a little sad they didn't use Thor Four: More thor as our queen Gina Linetti suggested? Yes. But I love this title and it’s just crackhead enough to be acceptable. I’m so happy that this movie is being made, because  1) someone has to make up for the first two thor movies somehow, 2) someone has to fix the mess the R*ssos made of thors character and 3) Thor Ragnarok made me actually like thor as a character, so I want to see more of that Thor. ALSO JANE FOSTER AKA NATALIE PORTMAN IS BACK??? AND SHES GONNA BE FREAKING FEMALE THOR YES YES YES (that picture of her holding the hammer? wow. powerful. showstopping. amazing) I can hear all the dudebros screaming about how much they hate it but 1) who cares what they think? and 2) its completely comics accurate which is thier usual lame excuse for misogyny so they can suck it. ALSO VAL IS THE QUEEN OF ASGARD AND TESSA SAYS SHES GONNA FIND HER QUEEN so we’re gonna get REAL CANON BI VAL (aka out first lgbtq mcu character who is also a woman of color which is so amazing and important!!!!) ANYWAYS THOR IS GOING TO BE AMAZING, its the movie I’m most pumped for AND THE LOGO IS AMAZING and thank you takia watiti for coming to save us. 

Black Widow... hmmm... I’m not as excited for this because one it’s not that much of a surprise since we’ve even seen set photos for it and because Scarlett Johanssen, I just don’t like her. I like Nat as a character even though Scarlett has the acting range of a celerity among many other issues but yeah. I’ll still go see the movie because girl power, and the more female led movies are successful the more they’ll make and more it’ll make the stupid dudebros and misogynists in training at my school mad. Also Rachel Wietz is talented and I liked David Harbour in Stranger things (or you know the 5 total episodes I’ve watched) 

Shang Chi looks like it’s gonna be good, and idk what the ten rings is but uhh I like it. And I love that we’re getting the actual modern and hopefully they’ll do a little flashback or callback to iron man 3. ALSO AWKAFINA 

What if? I love what if comics just because it’s a cool concept and it’s nice to see what if but this feels kind of pointless almost??? Idk I just don’t know why its here (also I originally thought this was going to be on hulu so I’m bitter about that). But I’m interested to see what kind of animation style they’ll go with (which honestly is a huge factor in whether or not I’ll watch it), and depending on what stories they do, if I watch it I’ll probably just end up skipping around and only looking at certain ones. 

Spiderman 3, Captain Marvel 2, Black Panther 2: I’m super pumped for all of these!!! I mean especially after that cliffhanger at the end of spidey (which I’m still shook about). I cannot wait to see my girl carol again, and hopefully her movie will explain what’s going on with the “kree sleeper cells” that skrull maria hill talked about in ffh along with what the heck talos and his wife were doing on earth while fury is in space? (also a cute little reuinion scene between fury and carol?) (also also what the heck has carol been doing since captain marvel and before endgame) (also also also plz give me carol rhodey and intoduce jessica drew thanks) okay so maybe I’m asking a lot of this movie but yknow..and I’m always up to see more Okoye because she is iconic and I love her. 

Fantastic 4, Look I know there's been a bajillion fantastic four movies and they were all bad ( I personally liked the one With Micheal B Jordan, Miles Teller and Kate Mara)  but I have faith in marvel studios. I mean they did take a basically unknown hero and turn him into one of the most beloved heroes and launched that single movie into a cash cow 23 movie freaking franchise (I’m talking tony stark and the tony stark cinematic universe by the way)  so I think they can pull off the biggest miracle of all time and make a good fantastic four movie. 

Mutants... I don’t really know what they mean by this? Like do they mean X men? Or a new movie called mutants? Or mutants themselves will be peppered into the mcu? I think that it shoud be one of the last two options. Just because even if the x men don’t show up for another 2-3 years its still kinda soon to just reboot the whole thing? (also I don’t think that Jean Gray should be recasted because Sophie Turner slayed that role despite the writing being terrible), even the fantastic 4 movie the lastest one will be 6-7 years old by the time marvel reboots it so- also the x men have just been so overdone by fox in bad ways that I feel like if theyre going to use mutants which they should they should do a new team and pull out some lesser known characters and or just put mutant heros in the mcu which I would love to see. 

annnnd an hour later.. here we are. If you made it to the end, thank you because I had a lot to say. 

[sesquipedalian-aficionado]

Thoughts about the NEW SANDERS SIDES

WARNING FOR SPOILERS

All mine will be tagged “tsspoilers” so watch for that! And watch the vid so we can talk about it!!

THANK YOU THOMAS THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

"It sounds like he's against nazis, so...lets hear him out."

"That canNOT be where the bar is!"

YESSS VIRGIL SUBTLE META-BURN

Four-part harmony on "what about us" YESSSS

ALSO Virgil is panicking and it's SUCH STRONG CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT DONE SO WELL AHHHHHHHHHH

"Director of Psycho Godfather Wars" I'm SCREAMING

"I'm too emotionally unstable for jury duty"

‘MY BUTTERFINGERS’ THE DAD JOKES ARE OUT TONIGHT

"Did unlawfully, and with malice aforethought, falsely impersonate a better person" can we say IMPOSTOR SYNDROME

but really SAAAME

"The jury decides if he's guilty!!

-what am I doing. I don't...care." VIRGIL. BABE.

"What does the judge even do?!"

"His best!" Patton I love you so much

"Said with the confidence of a man with his hand stuck in the cookie jar. In a cookie factory. His pants are down, and on fire" IM USING THAT NOW

OMG I FORGOT LOGAN IS MISSING now I feel bad oops in fairness there's a lot happening

srsly though where's my boy

THERE HE IS "aaaaafidavit" is sooooo good too I love you my little nerd love

"Well maybe you shouldn't have been impersonated. Ever think about that?"

"Why is he still here?"

"He doesn't like nazis"

PATTON SWEARS ON A YOUTH BIBLE AND ROMAN SWEARS ON A VCR AHHHHH

Also deceit did NOT swear on anything (technically neither did Virgil)

"Ok...so, we kiss now? Or...?"

"I'm gonna allow it."

"WHY?!"

"I mean...did you SEE Logan's face?"

AHHHH YOU GUYS

*immediately* "I don't feel anything"

Deceit, sweetly: "aw, of course you don't!" LOGAN LOGAN BABE PLEASE

THE ARM THING I GENUINELY STARTED OUT LOUD LAUGHING LIKE A PSYCHO

"How's that working out for you?"

"It isn't." Same boo. Same.

"I didn't think that would work, and it didn't." MOOD

"I didn't say liar, I said...lawyer. Totally different" Yikes Deceit is bringing the SNARK

GUYSSSSSS ROMANS THE ONLY ONE NOT WEARING A NECKTIE BECAUSE HES NOT TAKING IT SERIOUSLY!!!! AND DECEIT IS IN A BOWTIE BECAUSE HES BEING SERIOUS BUT LYING

DECEIT IS IMPLYING THAT VIRGILS NAME ISNT ACTUALLY VIRGIL

WHAT

WHAAAAAAAAT

HOLD UP JUST A COTTON-PICKING MINUTE

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT

"The one and lonely! What? Freudian slip" Roman you poor darling it's okay

THEY MADE THOSE NAMES UP JUST FOR THE ROW YOUR BOAT JOKE THOMAS I LOVE YOU

"Say you had a stereotypical relationship between a man and a woman"

"You lost me" Roman you're such a useless gay it's lucky you're pretty

"Did he just say ‘smirk’" this from the man who said "nods in agreement" in an earlier vid Thomas honey don't be a hypocrite

"Oops she cancelled"

"THAT BITCH"

"That's a laugh and a half"

"No, that's a statement! ...Logan, that's a statement, right?"

Thomas' faces are the BEST in this vid

VIRGIL I LOVE YOUUUUUU...no context for that. I just saw his face again and was Compelled

HE SMILED AT PATTONS JOKE! VIRGIL BAAAAABE

Deceit it's a tad relevant that mr "the individual is most important" philosopher screwed over everyone in his life but go off I guess

'Friendship is a societal lie' no deceit you just don't have friends that's not the same thing

YES VIRGIL POINT OUT THE RACISM I LOVE YOU BOO

YES PATTON LOVE YOURSELF

Oooooh biblical metaphor, we went there

YOU ACCEPTED DECEIT YESSS where's that "you know what that is? Growth" gif

ROMANS SAD “Do I” HONEY BABE I’LL FIND YOU A BOYFRIEND WE’RE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW LETS GO OH WAIT HE’S HERE IT’S VIRGIL VIRGIL’S THE ONE FIND LOVE MY DARLINGS

Is it...important that he's got the snakes? I mean I know it is but like...Deceit was already a part of you? Oh well growth I guess

VIRGILS SMILES THIS EP I AM DYING OF LOVEEEEEEEE

"For the love of Archimedes" IM USING THAT TOO

YESSSSSS MORE DARK SIDES PLEEEEEEEEASE

Also I sort of just realized the implication that what anxiety is most scared of is like...other parts of Thomas? Which is...yep. Cool.

"Saying something as a fact, when you don't have the facts straight, is dishonest" SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK

"Nothing like a day that starts with me getting good news and ultimately leads to me questioning if I'm a bad person" well now I feel attacked but ok

[welcometothepenumbra]

JUNO STEEL AND THE PROMISED LAND (PART TWO)

SOUND: RAIN. TRAIN ARRIVES, CREAKS TO A STOP. DOOR CLANKS OPEN.

CONDUCTOR: Ah, good evening, Traveler. And welcome… to The Penumbra. Take your seat, please, take your seat.

MUSIC: STARTS.

SOUND: DOOR CLANKS SHUT.

The junction lies just ahead, Traveler. If you’ll allow me just a moment.

SOUND: TRAIN WHISTLE.

(CHUCKLES) Well, next stop? Hyperion City.

SOUND: TRAIN MOVING.

Somewhere down here lies the Free Dome, a promised paradise built by the greatest geniuses of the past. It is a patient place which has waited hundreds of years to be found, but that wait ends today.

Two P.I.s, the mayor, and a gangster-for-hire are on their way to this hidden treasure now. They know where it is; they know how to get there; but the Free Dome has waited hundreds of years to prepare for these visitors, and nobody knows what it will do when they find it.

SOUND: TRAIN BRAKES. DOOR CLANKS OPEN, RAIN.

Our next stop: Juno Steel and the Promised Land.

ALL SOUNDS: FADE OUT.

***

JUNO: What the hell…? Why’s it so goddamn dar—?

Where am I, even?

SOUND: ECHOING FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING.

Heels, is that– Pilot? Theia, night-vision mode.

…Theia?

Don’t try anything, Pereyra! I’m armed and you’re out of your element!

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS STOP.

PETER NUREYEV: Oh, Juno. I know we’ve grown apart, but far enough to shoot me? (CHUCKLES) No, I don’t think so.

SOUND: MATCH LIGHTS.

JUNO: Nureyev?!

NUREYEV: Hm? “Nuh-ray-yev”? No, I don’t think I recall that name. I move between monikers so quickly – it’s difficult to remember them all.

JUNO: But… it’s you. It’s you, right? Peter Nureyev.

NUREYEV: I remember a heist about, let’s say, a decade into my career. A bank job. I’d done everything necessary to get myself into their system as an armored hauler driver named Leon Prince, and all that was left was the hand-off. Drive to the bank, show the paperwork, then drive away with all their money – they do the thieving for me. And it worked swimmingly, until the man in charge of the transfer looked at the paperwork, looked at me, and said, “Leon Prince! It’s been years! Don’t you remember me? From back in Guan Yu?”

JUNO: What? Why– why does… damn it, that sounds familiar, too.

NUREYEV: It seemed I had used the same alias eight years previous, on the other side of the galaxy… and I had completely forgotten both the name and the man I’d used as an alibi, apparently. It took so long to shake him, too. Ugh. I tell you, Juno, banks are more trouble than they’re worth. And they hardly keep anything on hand anyway.

JUNO: You didn’t rob that bank. That case… I-I solved that case. Three years ago. That’s why it seemed familiar.

NUREYEV: As familiar as I look, yes? And yet I don’t recall ever meeting you before.

JUNO: You just said my name.

NUREYEV: I said a name. It was someone I thought you resembled, but… you couldn’t possibly be him. You’re just… a has-been. A cyclops that thinks he’s a private eye.

JUNO: The hell are you talking about?

Whatever. Get your yuks out now, Nureyev—

NUREYEV: Who?

JUNO: —because I’m not gonna be a has-been for much longer, you hear me? I’m about to bust the mayor of this goddamn city, and once I get the stuff they’re after, life’s never gonna be the same again. Nobody’s ever gonna get hurt the way Pilot’s trying to hurt them. I’m onto big things, Nureyev. It’s all gonna be worth it.

NUREYEV: It certainly seems that way. Just as you seem to be Juno Steel. And yet.

JUNO: Damn it, stop talking in riddles! I am Juno Steel!

NUREYEV: No. You aren’t. I saw something in Juno Steel. Something impressive. And being that I myself am quite impressive that makes him impressive, too. But you? (CHUCKLES) You’re a dog.

JUNO: What?!

NUREYEV: No. Even less dignified than that. A dog allows a collar only onto his neck, but you? You’ve fashioned yours in your brain, and the leash runs out your eye.

JUNO: Stop it, Nureyev…

NUREYEV: I’m not certain how much clearer I can be about this. I am not Peter Nureyev.

JUNO: Of course you are! Knock it off!

NUREYEV: Juno, where are you?

JUNO: The… subway. That pod, on the way to the Free Dome. Trying to bag Pilot and the Piranha.

NUREYEV: And who is with you?

JUNO: You, obviously…

Strong. I-I came down with… where the hell’s Alessandra?

This isn’t the pod, is it? And it’s not the Free Dome, either. This is just…

NUREYEV: A dream.

JUNO: A… dream…

Nureyev, I feel like I messed up. I can’t decide. I-I just keep thinking about that night, and there was this second in the doorway, and it lasted so long I feel like part of me’s still there, and—

NUREYEV: This is all very sweet, dear detective, but we both know this isn’t the time.

JUNO: I… I-I—

NUREYEV: Shh.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS. KISSING.

And this, I think, is where we part.

JUNO: Nureyev, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I just keep hurting people one after the other and I just have to think it’s all for something, y’know? It’s all gonna be worth it, and I feel like I just keep digging myself deeper because the last time I got in this bad that’s when you—

NUREYEV: Shh. Listen! Pull yourself together. You’re about to step into that big, mean world and you have to match its meanness if you want to survive.

JUNO: Yeah… Yeah, sure, yeah.

NUREYEV: I’ve only two suggestions before you go. And I want you to listen carefully, now.

First: in Polaris Park, nothing is as it seems.

JUNO: But I’m not in Polaris—

NUREYEV: And second: mind the cake on your way down.

JUNO: What?

SOUND: RUSTLE, GRUNTS, STUMBLING FOOTSTEPS.

JUNO: Whooaaoooooaaaaaaaaaa—

NUREYEV: Farewell, Juno! And happy birthday!

VOICE 4: (OVERLAPPING WITH NUREYEV) Happy birthday, little monsters.

Just remember, Benzaiten, if you want to get mad at anyone, Ma’s not where you should start. Some kids get to celebrate their birthdays. And what do we celebrate instead?

That’s right. We celebrate the day Juno ruined everything. The day he just… handed our lives away because someone said ‘please.’ And why’d he do it? (CHUCKLES) ‘Cause your twin brother’s about as smart as a sack of bricks that got hit over the head with another sack of bricks.

PIRANHA: (DISTANT, OVERLAPPING WITH ABOVE) You don’t shut him up, Big-Eyes, and I’ll pop a hole in his mouth won’t ever close.

VOICE 4 (SARAH STEEL): And we never… let him… forget it.

STRONG: (DISTANT, OVERLAPPING WITH ABOVE) Steel!

SOUND: DISTANT SLAP.

Steel, come on… (GRUNTS)

SOUND: DISTANT SLAP.

Juno!

JUNO: Ahhhhhhhhhh!

SOUND: SLAP. ELEVATOR MUSIC CUTS IN.

PIRANHA: That’s more like it. Can barely hear the game with all this goddamn screaming…

PEREYRA: Don’t you have any manners, P.I.? So much noise when we’re all locked in this little tube.

STRONG: You’re the one with the gun on him.

PEREYRA: Then it sounds like he’d really better listen to me, doesn’t it? (CHUCKLES)

Doesn’t anyone wear a watch anymore? What time is it?

STRONG: For the fourth time, I do. It’s two AM.

PEREYRA: Two AM… so we’ve been down here… That can’t be right. Your watch is off.

STRONG: This is a thermonuclear timepiece, Solar Military issue. This wouldn’t go off if you wore it into a black hole, Mx. Mayor. And I should know. I’ve done it.

PEREYRA: Two AM! It’s election day up there and I’m in some mobile coffin a hundred miles underground?

PIRANHA: For someone pissing and moaning about noise you sure are makin’ a lot of it, Pilot.

PEREYRA: (SIGHS) Whatever. I’ll still take the win. I gave them the Pereyra School for Future Pilots; I gave them the Sparkhouse Stadium; I gave them jobs and parks and a police force worth a damn, and who knows how much else. I’ll win. And meanwhile… bigger and better things. But don’t think you’re off the hook, buddy. You got us into this. You get to fix it.

PIRANHA: I did? You were just as antsy to get down here—

PEREYRA: Shut up. I don’t care. Shut. Up. (SIGHS) I just. Need you. To fix this. Now. Hmm?

PIRANHA: (SIGHS) Well, P.I.? You’ve been pretty quiet since you woke up from that little nappy. Gets a gal to wondering what’s rolling around in that thick skull of yours, see?

JUNO (NARRATOR): What’s rolling around in my skull, huh?

A lot, honestly. It’s had a lot of time to roll. (SIGHS)

MUSIC: STARTS.

Three days. It had been three days since we got on that stupid pod heading towards the Free Dome, and the doors sealed us in here tight as sardines in a binder. Because Erin Marshall D’Arc, the founder of the Free Dome? Her whole thing about safety? Turns out she meant it. We found that out within the first five minutes of our ride, three days ago, when her message said this:

SOUND: STATIC.

ERIN (FROM SPEAKER): For your safety, the pod doors will not open again until we arrive at the Free Dome. This patch of subterranean desert is a common breeding ground for undercrows, and until we find a way to redirect them peacefully, the only way to guarantee your survival is to cover you from all sides at all times and filter your air supply for their microscopic spawn.

In rare cases, subterranean radiation can cause underground brainswell, and so the music you’re hearing has been scientifically engineered to calm your nerves. It cannot be changed. Regular meals will be served that should cover all of your nutritional needs. We care about your health, neighbor. Thank you.

SOUND: STATIC ENDS.

JUNO (NARRATOR): The “regular meals” looked like a mummy’s instant breakfast, ancient, all mold and sand and dust. Luckily for Pilot, the Piranha, and I, Strong came prepared for everything. As she proved within seconds of opening our first century-old meal, when she took four rations out of that big backpack of hers.

SOUND: UNZIPPING.

PIRANHA: Look at you, Big-Eyes. Got an answer for everything.

STRONG: Yeah, well, in general I’d really rather not die. I have enough food in here for two people, two weeks.

MUSIC: ENDS.

PEREYRA: Two weeks! (LAUGHING) Hope all that back strain’s worth it to you, buddy. We’re not gonna be down here two weeks.

(CHEWING) Hey, that’s actually not bad. Hand me another.

STRONG: We’ll have to stretch them out. These aren’t snacks, they’re—

PEREYRA: We’re not going to be down here for two weeks.

SOUND: GUN COCKING.

So why don’t you just give me another?

JUNO: Just give them another, Alessandra. They’re not gonna listen.

STRONG: …Fine.

SOUND: RUSTLING.

PILOT: What service! You want one?

PIRANHA: I think I’ll wait.

PEREYRA: Suit yourself. (CHEWING)

JUNO (NARRATOR): Strong watched the two of them warily – the Piranha tapping on a little radio in her ear, Pilot tapping a heel to D’Arc’s awful music. They were too far away for her to reach before the lasers started flying, so instead she leaned over to me and whispered:

STRONG: Undercrows have been extinct for three hundred years.

JUNO (NARRATOR): I was about to whisper something back. Something like, “thanks for the bird fact,” or, “what?” when Pilot spat crumbs across the pod at us.

PEREYRA: (GARBLED) Hey now, hey now… (SWALLOWS) No need for secrets. Why don’t you tell the whole class what you two troublemakers are thinking about, hm?

STRONG: I was just telling him that I have some first aid supplies in here, too. I’d like to bandage the burn on his hand so it doesn’t get infected.

PEREYRA: Hmm.

STRONG: He’s no use to you if he’s dead.

PIRANHA: That ain’t true. If he’s dead you can cut him up into pieces easy, no struggle, and then use them on pressure plates or something—

STRONG: Let me rephrase that: the only reason I’m not coming over there and breaking both of your necks right now is that he’s too hurt to outrun your laser. So if he dies, I’m no use to you, and then you’ve lost your insurance.

PEREYRA: (CHUCKLES) I like the confidence. I really do.

You. Go bandage him.

PIRANHA: Me?!

PEREYRA: She’ll tell you how to do it. And I don’t like them next to one another. So from now on, I think you two… spread out a little. And I’d better not see any more whispering. No secrets from the State, alright? (CHUCKLES)

JUNO (NARRATOR): Strong didn’t get another chance to tell me what she meant. And so that’s been stuck in my head ever since: why the hell did we care how long ago undercrows died off?

Extinct predators. Spoiled food. The Theia shorting out on me again. A pod that had been moving for three days when you could drive across Mars in two. The Free Domers. Long-dead voices on the intercom.

SOUND: ELECTRONIC BUZZES & BLIPS.

VOICE 1 (FROM SPEAKER): You have to listen. I don’t have time, can’t figure out how to delete these. I’m no good at this – not like them. Please, go away, just go—

SOUND: BUZZING ENDS.

JUNO (NARRATOR): My name’s Juno Steel. I’m a private eye, and right now I’m… uhhh, pretty confused, honestly?

But, any-anyway, back to where we were: 2 AM. Election day. The Piranha was bored and looking for a chew toy and there I was, ready for chomping.

PIRANHA: Shy, huh? You a little scared, P.I.? Maybe someone oughta hold your hand through this tough time, see?

JUNO: (PAINED GROAN)

PIRANHA: (CACKLES)

STRONG: Ugh… We’ll have to disinfect and reapply… again.

JUNO: I just woke up! You can’t give a lady three seconds to collect himself?

PEREYRA: Some of us don’t get to sleep. Some of us have been awake for three days, babysitting a couple nosy P.I.s who don’t know how to mind their own business.

PIRANHA: Every one of my watches has been twice as long as yours, Pilot. You’ve slept nearly six hours a night.

PEREYRA: I said some of us. I never said it was me.

PIRANHA: You lousy—!

SOUND: JINGLE PLAYS.

PEREYRA: Shhh!

(LAUGHING) That’s it! Another Free Domer message! We must be there!

SOUND: STATIC.

ERIN (FROM SPEAKER): Thank you for your patience, my new neighbors. We’ve built this pod with the greatest technology available to us, and we hope you’ve been impressed by the speed of your travel. You are nearly halfway across the surface of Mars!

PIRANHA: My car coulda lapped this stupid planet twice by now.

PEREYRA: Shh!

ERIN (FROM SPEAKER): The Free Dome is close, now. Once you pass through the hive of Death millipedes you’ll be safe to get out. In just two short hours—

PEREYRA: Two hours!

ERIN (FROM SPEAKER): —we’ll arrive, and you’ll be home at last.

SOUND: JINGLE AGAIN.

PEREYRA: Come on… come on, Pilot, two hours is nothing… You’ve waited forty years for this, you’re about to get there, you know you’re about to get there…

SOUND: INTERCOM BLIP. STATIC.

STRONG: What’s that?

MARSHALL (FROM SPEAKER): Yeah, sorry, Ma. But no. Grab onto something, neighbors. Or don’t.

SOUND: LOUD WHOOSHING & SCRAPING.

JUNO, STRONG, PEREYRA, PIRANHA: Whoa!

SOUND: BOOM.

MARSHALL: This is where you get off. Now start walking.

SOUND: STATIC ENDS. PNEUMATIC HISS.

JUNO (NARRATOR): The doors opened for the first time in three days, and… well, the place on the other side was pretty much where you’d assume something called a “Death millipede” lived.

It was an old underground tunnel, the walls pocked and spongy, stalactites dripping with something thick and silvery. People had built things down here, signs and lights and tracks, but the radiation had clearly done damage even this deep below the surface. Fixtures corroded. Tracks like time had taken a blowtorch to ‘em.

For just a second I had an image I couldn’t shake of… myself, looking like one of those signs; melting and shapeless and burnt. I tried to shake it out, but it was sticky. Just like whatever the hell was clinging to those stalactites.

JUNO: (MOANS)

PIRANHA: Alright, you heard spooky voice number two. And if you see one of them Death millipedes D’Arc was talking about, you tell me, see? Been meaning to get some new decorations for the pad, and a monster head’s my kinda style.

STRONG: Good luck with that. Death millipedes have been extinct for two hundred years.

JUNO (NARRATOR): Strong pointed two sharp eyes at mine. That was supposed to mean something, but… I didn’t know what.

PEREYRA: D’Arc must have driven them out. Some people are born to do the impossible, like build a legendary city, or kill a species of deathless insects, or discover a legendary city and win an election on the same day. For example.

PIRANHA: You two, go ahead. I want a buffer just in case some big bug decides to grab a snack, see?

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

JUNO: Wow, it’s dark down here. Does that map you stole say anything about this?

PEREYRA: It’s a straight hallway. You don’t need a map.

JUNO: Yeah, but if it says “here there be nuclear dragons” on it that’s info that might be helpful.

PIRANHA: It was a map of the subway system, and now we’re way the hell away from the subway system. Guess you’ll just have to be careful.

SOUND: INTERCOM BLIP. STATIC.

MARSHALL (FROM SPEAKER): So, you’re probably wondering why I stopped you out in these irradiated badlands, with all the oogidies and the boogidies waiting to getcha. I’ve got three answers for that. Answer one: it’s none of your business. Two: my testing materials have got to last a long time, forever probably, and it’ll help wear and tear if less of you make it to them. Three: it’s still none of your goddamn business.

Anyway, the tests. Listen, I know I’m pretty hard on the old lady, and that’s not one hundred percent fair. The whole Free Dome idea was hers, and so was the tech. She was pretty smart, for an idiot. But the management? Your whole thing is that the world’s a train wreck, so you open up a new city and just let anybody who wants walk in?

That’s not a new world. That’s not utopia. That’s the old one, all over again. Just smaller. So you’ve got to be choosy. And that’s what these tests are for, alright? Making sure we let the right ones in. Only the best, the brightest, the smartest for paradise. And everyone else rots in the belly of some undercrow.

So turn back if you want. I’m not going to go easy on you. Marshall out.

SOUND: STATIC ENDS.

STRONG: Extinct for three hundred years.

PIRANHA: You just said two hundred.

PEREYRA: Why should I care how long ago a bunch of subterranean chickens died? You heard him. We’re going the right way. Now find his testing facility.

JUNO (NARRATOR): It was just a few minutes ahead of us: the Free Domer Testing Facility, a big lumpy bulge on top of two thin, rusty legs, like a bad wisdom tooth rotting in the gums of Mars.

Marshall D’Arc had some words for us as soon as we stepped inside.

SOUND: INTERCOM BLIP. STATIC.

MARSHALL (FROM SPEAKER): Alright, there’s gonna be… three tests. Three seems like a good number. That’s usually how this goes, right? And this is how they’re gonna go: first—

SOUND: INTERCOM BLIP.

—one’s a test to see how generous you are.

JUNO: What the hell?

MARSHALL (FROM SPEAKER): You want in? You gotta have a sense of charity. Not like that weasel Malvin, I swear if you’re listening to this, Mal, I’m gonna tear your—

SOUND: INTERCOM BLIP.

—and second—

SOUND: INTERCOM BLIP.

(GARBLED) —what is this, second? Uh, Test of Faith, how about that? (CHEWING) Listen to whatever I say. Somebody’s got to. Somebody should.

SOUND: INTERCOM BLIP.

—and third—

SOUND: INTERCOM BLIP.

—not third, this is first, even before the first first one, which was a test of, I don’t know, how smart you are, which you already passed ‘cause you got here. Or whatever.

SOUND: PAUSE. INTERCOM BLIP.

—that’s probably got you quaking in your boots now, doesn’t it? Thought you could just walk in and own the place, huh? Well nothin’s free, chump, so prove you’re great enough for the greatest city in the galaxy. Marshall out.

SOUND: STATIC ENDS.

STRONG: What.

PEREYRA: I… I can’t believe it. We’re here! (LAUGHS) The secret laboratory of the Free Domers… we’re here. I found it. Little Pilot Pereyra, flying around with their head in the clouds, grew up and found… this.

Now move it. I’ve waited too long for this already.

PIRANHA: You heard the elected official, ladies. Move it.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

JUNO (NARRATOR): We started in a reception hall that didn’t look prepared to receive anybody. There were portrait frames on the walls, but most of them were empty, and the ones that weren’t just showed family photos. A mom and her son – the D’Arcs, probably. The kid all grown up, moody, wild-eyed. The only full portrait in the room had the face scratched out – and they didn’t look like Erin or Marshall.

There was a lot in here that didn’t line up, is my point. I wanted to compare notes with Strong about it, but… we weren’t exactly about to get a private moment.

JUNO: So, uh… what was up with that weird recording from before? Didn’t sound like interference to me. Practically sounded… I don’t know, like different people.

STRONG: Yes, it’s definitely not as simple as the stories make it out to be.

PEREYRA: (SNORTS) Incredible. We’re here, and you’re still trying to disprove this place?

STRONG: Sounds like someone’s sensitive. Don’t you care that this testing center looks… unfinished?

PEREYRA: See, this is what I mean. Do you hear this, buddy?

PIRANHA: Huh? No, wasn’t payin’ attention. Tryin’ to catch the big game on my radio. What?

PEREYRA: (SIGHS) Nevermind. I’ve known people like you two my entire life. People who will do mental backflips just to throw out the evidence right in front of them.

STRONG: (SIGHS) And what is right in front of us, Mx. Pereyra?

PEREYRA: If you actually thought about it, you’d realize it would be more concerning if this testing center were perfect and polished. How about that? If the D’Arcs spent all their time on the tests, they couldn’t have spent that time on the Dome tech. If this place is a little broken down, you know what that shows? Priorities.

STRONG: That’s assuming there is Dome tech.

PEREYRA: Of course there’s—!

SOUND: INTERCOM BLIP. STATIC.

MARSHALL (FROM SPEAKER): Alright, you made it. Test of Charity. We’re gonna come out swinging with this one, alright? You’re gonna get a little gift if you complete it. Besides not dying, followed by a lifetime in paradise, I mean. I know. Marshall’s so generous with you.

So what’s it? Let’s find out. Show me what’s behind door number the-only-door-here! Dramatic reveal!

SOUND: HISS, LOW RUMBLE. STATIC ENDS.

JUNO, STRONG, PEREYRA: Whoaaaaaah.

PIRANHA: Huh.

JUNO (NARRATOR): It was… a Dome. Basically.

A shimmering circle of plasma hovering high above, the surface twisting and wiggling in the air. Like, uh… a-a Dome.

You never go a day on Mars without seeing that shining plasma. Sure, you can drive across the planet, but even with a radiation-shielded car, those trips have to be fast. And if you go to look at the sky you can’t do it for more than a few hours before things start gettin’… bad. Like, hallucinate-and-then-fry-your-skin-off kind of bad.

So that means every morning, whether you’re in Hyperion, or Olympus Mons, or Valles Marineris, when you look outside you see a Dome all around you. Sometimes just a tint on the blue and the clouds, but always there. It becomes the sky to you. And seeing one here, so far underground… it was like seeing a bubble of sky where sky didn’t belong.

SOUND: INTERCOM BLIP. STATIC.

MARSHALL (FROM SPEAKER): This is it. The Dome tech Mom cooked up. Not the whole thing, obviously, just a free sample, but… still. Something worth fighting for, don’t you think? So let’s see how bad you want it. Marshall out.

SOUND: STATIC ENDS.

PEREYRA: Out of my way.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

PIRANHA: Ey, uh, Pilot? Didn’t we bring these two along to go ahead for us?

PEREYRA: This monitor has something written on it in their code. Give me the codex.

PIRANHA: Hey, you asked for it…

SOUND: ELECTRONIC BEEPS.

PEREYRA: “Press here to begin… the Test of Charity.”

SOUND: BEEP. RUMBLING, GEAR WHIRRING.

JUNO: Huh. I guess it did say “chairity.”

STRONG: Yeah, that’s what they said.

JUNO: No, I mean, chair–ity. ‘Cause– ‘cause it’s just a chair. Whatever.

PEREYRA: The monitor says something else now…

SOUND: ELECTRONIC BEEPS.

“Anyone who wishes to enter the Free Dome must be generous, and give more of themselves than they can afford. So sit upon this Chair of Charity and give to us from your blood. Get it? Chair-ity. Like a chair.”

JUNO: Aw, it was funnier when I said it.

PIRANHA: Those are IVs in the armrests… Wonder how much I could get one of these things for…

SOUND: ELECTRONIC BEEPS.

PEREYRA: “If your gift is adequate, you will be given the Dome. If not… you get nothing. Marshall out.”

Keep your gun on them. I’m taking the test.

PIRANHA: What?! Pilot, this is the whole reason we brought them along, ain’t it?

STRONG: I’m not complaining.

JUNO: Yeah, I am good over here.

PEREYRA: If a test is all that’s left between me and the Dome tech, I’m taking the test. So just– just watch them. I’m strapping in.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS. BUCKLES CLICK. DRILL WHIRRING.

(PAINED HISS) There. It’s in.

PIRANHA: What’s the monitor say now?

SOUND: ELECTRONIC BEEPS.

PEREYRA: There’s a keypad, and above that… “Select how much blood you will give.”

STRONG: Standard donation is about three hundred fifty milliliters.

What? I give a lot of blood.

PEREYRA: I know that. You think I’ve been mayor this long without showing up to a few blood drives and pretending to donate? This isn’t asking in milliliters. It’s asking in liters.

STRONG: It wants you to give a liter of blood?

JUNO: Ugh.

PIRANHA: Eh, probably more.

JUNO: Ughhh.

PEREYRA: How do you figure?

PIRANHA: Well depending on size, an adult human body’s got somewhere between four-point-five and six-point-squat liters of blood in it, see? That’s just an average, though – met a lady once who claimed to have ten, but I’m pretty sure she was full of it. Lookin’ at you, Pilot, I’m guessing you’ve got… enh, five-point-six, maybe five-point-seven liters in you. You can lose about thirty-five percent of that before you croak – forty if you’re quick – so that means they could reasonably be lookin’ for anywhere up to, eh, let’s say two liters or so.

What? I take a lot of blood.

JUNO: Ughhhh. (GAGGING)

PEREYRA: There’s a pretty big difference between three hundred fifty milliliters and two liters.

PIRANHA: Yeah, well, I ain’t the one who got in the chair.

PEREYRA: (SIGHS) Okay, it must be all here for a reason… the old Verificationist streams always talked about how only the smartest would find the Free Dome… This is a riddle. Which means the clues are nearby. He didn’t want to let in anyone who wasn’t smart enough.

JUNO: Ah, right, the old “chair-that-steals-your-blood” chestnut.

PEREYRA: I still have my gun on you, P.I. Take this seriously. So start examining the machine. Tell me what you see, and—

SOUND: ALARM BEEPS.

STRONG: What’s that?

JUNO: Uh, Pilot? The machine is, uh…

SOUND: WHIRRS. BUBBLING.

PEREYRA: It’s… activated! But, I didn’t start it!

(GRUNTS) Don’t just stand there! Do something!

PIRANHA: Gimme a second.

PEREYRA: For what?

PIRANHA: I told you, I’m listening to the big game and it just got pretty dramatic, see?

PEREYRA: It’s already taken a fourth of a liter!

PIRANHA: I wanna hear the score!

SOUND: BLASTER SHOT. GLASS SHATTERS.

Whoa!

PEREYRA: Now.

PIRANHA: Alright, alright, sheesh…

Hey, you. Use that, uh, what’s it called, Spectrum cybernetic and scan this trap. And do it now, unless you wanna get ventilated.

JUNO: What?

How’d you know about my eye?

PIRANHA: Last time I beat you you only had one. Now you got two. I always got good marks in math.

JUNO: You didn’t just say cybernetic. You said ‘Spectrum.’ That’s the brand.

PEREYRA: I’m sure when you lose as many pieces of face as she has, you learn a lot about prosthetics. Just do it! And if you give me the wrong information, P.I., I’ll make you spill enough blood for all four of us. Do you understand?

JUNO: Sounds like I don’t have a choice either way.

THEIA: Scanning electromagnetic frequencies.

SOUND: ELECTRONIC HUM.

JUNO (NARRATOR): I’d done something like this before in the Fortezza, when I was scanning down the Proctor’s test. But this one looked a little more… sophisticated.

The tubing that came out of that thing was like a spider web, crisscrossed and twisted into a pattern so complex I could barely follow it. I tried to trace the line from Pilot’s wrist down into the chair, the floor, and lost it. From their wrist to the chair, and lost it. My head was killing me.

PEREYRA: I’ve already lost half a liter, P.I. Hurry it up!

JUNO (NARRATOR): Then it hit me: the tubing was complicated, but the stuff inside it? Not so much.

SOUND: HAPPY THEIA BEEP.

THEIA: Request received. Activating heat scanner.

JUNO (NARRATOR): And then I saw it: Pilot’s blood, flowing down the piping into the floor below. It had already begun to collect inside a canister down there – and that was my clue. The canister was small, already half-filled. And if I strained, I swore I could just barely make out the writing on the side.

PEREYRA: One liter! Move it, P.I.!

JUNO: It holds one-point-five liters! The thing can only hold one-point-five liters, Pilot, so stop it there!

PEREYRA: Finally.

SOUND: BEEPS.

(PANTING)

PIRANHA: You alright, Pereyra?

PEREYRA: I’m fine. Of course I’m fine. They wouldn’t kill me. I’ve been studying them since I was in training heels. I know what they want. I’m who they’re waiting for. (PANTING) Now come on, Dome. Come to Pilot.

SOUND: INTERCOM BLIP. STATIC.

MARSHALL (FROM SPEAKER): ENNNNNNH! Too stingy, neighbor! Now get out.

SOUND: WHIRR. THUD.

PEREYRA: Oof!

MARSHALL (FROM SPEAKER): (CACKLING) I hear it only takes a few months for blood to regenerate. Why not stick around and try again then? Marshall out.

SOUND: STATIC ENDS.

PIRANHA: Big-Eyes.

SOUND: GUN COCKING.

Bandage their arm. Now, see?

STRONG: Uh… right.

PEREYRA: You. P.I.

JUNO: Hey, listen, I told you exactly what I—

PEREYRA: You think you can stop me, don’t you? You think one dirty trick is gonna stop Pilot Pereyra from getting to the Free Dome. From getting what I��ve been working at for forty. Years.

(SPITS) What do you know about real work? You got picked up by Ramses O’Flaherty! I could choke you with all the silver spoons you’ve got crammed in your mouth!

JUNO: What?! Wait, h-how did you know—

STRONG: You’ve been working for who?

PEREYRA: Of course I know who you work for. I know everyone who gets in my way. I don’t care who you are, but I know you work for Ramses, and that makes you a threat. But I’ve dealt with bigger fish than you. I’ve been doing it since I was ten years old, the first time I caught one of those Verificationist streams. A dream, they called it. Kid’s stuff. But I knew. I knew a city that could take everything from you in a second couldn’t be all there was. That there had to be something better.

STRONG: That’s… sweet?

PEREYRA: And I knew I was going to find that best place, and I was going to sell it to the highest bidder, and nobody could ever take anything from me ever again.

STRONG: Less sweet.

JUNO: Listen, Pilot, I’m not gonna say I’m on your side, ‘cause I’m definitely, like, the opposite of that, but it’s not like I had anything—

PEREYRA: Have you been listening to a word I’ve said? You got in my way. Now I use you. Squeeze every last drop I can get out of you. And then… you die on Pilot’s time.

(CHUCKLES) You. Put him in the chair.

JUNO: What?

PIRANHA: (LAUGHS) Now you’re talkin’ my language! C’mere, P.I.—

STRONG: You don’t touch him or I’ll—

PEREYRA: Or you’ll nothing.

SOUND: GUN COCKING.

You’re gonna keep bandaging me, and that’s all you’re gonna do, unless you want the inside of your skull to know what a laser feels like.

What are you waiting for? I want you to strap him in and tell that thing to take as much blood as it wants. Take all of it. Take more.

PIRANHA: You heard the mayor. Let’s strap you in, eh? (GRUNTS)

JUNO: Oof!

SOUND: WHIRRING. BUTTON CLICKS.

PIRANHA: There we go.

JUNO: Let me go, damn it! Let me… wow, you’re strong.

PEREYRA: Stop squirming or I kill her, and it’ll be all your fault. (CHUCKLES) And I know you can’t stand that thought, can you? That’s why you’re working for Ramses. Idealist suckers always run in packs. (LAUGHS)

PIRANHA: (BIG, LONG LAUGH)

PEREYRA: (CLEARS THROAT) Buddy.

Buddy! It wasn’t that funny!

PIRANHA: Oh, I think you’re sellin’ yourself short, Pilot.

PEREYRA: Just activate the chair, already.

PIRANHA: You got it!

Lessee, here… howsabout a little exam, see?

SOUND: DRILL WHIRRING.

Let’s call it… Biology 101.

JUNO: What…? Wh-what did you say?

PIRANHA: How many liters of blood does the human body got? Is the answer A, one liter…

SOUND: BEEP. ALARM BEEPS.

JUNO: Aghh! Knock it off. What are you trying to pull?

SOUND: BUBBLING.

PIRANHA: B, two liters…

SOUND: BEEP.

STRONG: (GROWLS)

JUNO: Agghhh!

PIRANHA: C, two point five liters…

SOUND: BEEPS.

JUNO: (PAINED GROANS)

PEREYRA: That’s more like it.

PIRANHA: Or D…

SOUND: BEEPS.

…all of the above.

JUNO: (PAINED GROANS)

STRONG: God damn it, this is cruel!

PIRANHA: I know.

JUNO (NARRATOR): You know… I’ve had plenty of times when I wanted to go out exactly like this. Fighting some big evil, burning up in a blaze of glory. Hell, I’d tried to pull it seven months ago, even if it didn’t take. So I was used to the feeling that was supposed to come next.

Resignation. The thought that, hell, what’s it matter? You can’t know you’re dead if you’re dead. You can’t know the world’s gone to hell, either. You can’t tell anything, and there’s peace in that.

But not this time. This time I didn’t hear that voice telling me it’d all be easier if I just let it happen. Instead I got pissed.

THEIA: Scanning potential escape routes.

JUNO (NARRATOR): I was mad. Real mad, mad at the Piranha, at Pilot, at Marshall D’Arc, at Peter Nureyev, at death itself. And I wasn’t gonna die this angry. I wasn’t.

The Piranha knew something she wasn’t telling me, and she was loving it, and I couldn’t die until I knew what it was. Strong was stuck with these two maniacs, and I couldn’t die until we’d done our work together. Ramses was still up there, campaigning his old heart out, and I couldn’t die until I saw the city he’d build. And Sarah Steel was in her coffin and in my blood, and I couldn’t die until I proved to everyone that I was better than her.

MUSIC: STARTS.

THEIA: Caution: blood loss detected at. Critical levels. Recommended course of action: give up.

JUNO: What?

THEIA: —control. Temporarily. To the Theia Spectrum.

JUNO (NARRATOR): I was woozy. The world was going gray. I strained against the armrests, looked everywhere I could for some kind of way out, but… I was stuck.

THEIA: User permissions needed to enact escape protocol with highest chance of success. Do I have your permission. User Juno Steel?

JUNO: (QUIETLY) You’ve got whatever permissions you want. Just don’t let me die!

PIRANHA: Muttering to himself! Blood leaves the brain first, see?

THEIA: Permissions received. Enacting escape protocol. For your safety, user muscular control has been. Temporarily deactivated.

SOUND: POWERING DOWN.

JUNO (NARRATOR): There was an electric pulse, spreading from my eye socket, and suddenly, I couldn’t move.

I was breathing, my heart was beating, I could still feel everything. But my arms and legs were locked in place, stiff as wood.

SOUND: HEARTBEAT.

THEIA: Increasing blood flow to source of blood loss. Accelerating heart rate. Do not. Relax.

JUNO (NARRATOR): I felt like I was spinning into a whirlpool, getting flushed down some great celestial toilet. I strained as hard as I could, but I couldn’t fight my own muscles. I was frozen from the inside out. My vision began to fade.

PEREYRA: Goodnight, buddy. You’re a real hero. (CHUCKLES)

THEIA: Do not. Relax. I repeat. Do not. Relax.

JUNO (NARRATOR): I didn’t want to die. I still had things to do. I’d hurt too many people and I hadn’t done enough good to justify it yet. I didn’t want to die.

And then, somewhere in the distance, I heard this:

SOUND: DING. HEARTBEAT STOPS.

PEREYRA: What?

SOUND: INTERCOM BLIP. STATIC.

MARSHALL (FROM SPEAKER): Congratulations. You’re a very generous idiot. Here’s the Dome… and here’s your blood back, weirdo.

Just do me a favor: if you feel like you’re gonna bite the big one, show yourself out, alright? We’re already behind schedule without cleaning up your carcass. Marshall out.

SOUND: STATIC ENDS. BUBBLING.

PEREYRA: Just where do you think you’re going?

MUSIC: ENDS.

STRONG: To check if he’s alive. The human body wasn’t exactly built for high-speed dialysis.

PEREYRA: You can check in a minute. Help me up.

STRONG: He just lost nearly half his blood.

PEREYRA: Help me up now or I’ll make it stay lost.

STRONG: …Fine.

PEREYRA: Good. Now bring me to him. I want that.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

JUNO (NARRATOR): My head swam. I felt the machine pumping warmth into me. I felt another pulse from my eye socket.

SOUND: HAPPY THEIA BEEP.

THEIA: User muscle control. Reactivated. Thank you for using the Theia Spectrum.

PEREYRA: That’s more like it. I think this day is finally turning around. (CHUCKLES) The Dome… it’s in my hands. I always knew it would be one day. And now… (LAUGHS)

JUNO (NARRATOR): Strong pulled out her bandages and leaned in to me. When the machine finished recycling my blood, she started wrapping cloth around my arm – and when she leaned in close enough, she whispered:

STRONG: (QUIETLY) I’m proud of you, Steel.

JUNO: Why?

STRONG: You didn’t die. You didn’t let go. And that’s the hardest thing there is.

Nice work, P.I.

JUNO: (MOANS)

STRONG: What was that?

JUNO: Undercrows… why?

STRONG: Shh. We probably only have a second before they catch on.

MUSIC: STARTS.

Each of the D’Arcs said they saw something that was extinct before they were born. I don’t hold much stock in signs that say “Beware of Dinosaur,” either.

JUNO: But… why?

STRONG: You know what being under all this radioactive sand too long does to you? Drives you crazy. Makes you see things.

JUNO: But the Dome’s real… Pilot’s got it.

STRONG: Pilot’s got something.

But… nothing down here’s been that easy. And I don’t know, Juno. If they were hallucinating these extinct predators… how long were they down here for? And what else did they hallucinate?

JUNO (NARRATOR): I looked over her shoulder at Pilot, glowing like a demigod in the light of that Dome. And suddenly I got it stuck in my head again: “In Polaris Park, nothing is as it seems.”

That thought made my skin crawl. Because every person Juno Steel has ever been, the P.I., the cop, the punk who asked too many questions, they’ve always been about figuring out what things really are: pulling off the mask and seeing the face underneath. But here, this lost city beneath the sands, this secret tech, this runaway mayor and their gangster – I felt like I’d been pulling off masks for months and I still didn’t know if I was at the face yet.

Just got to keep pulling, I thought. We were close, now, close to what had to be the end… and I was going to see the truth of this mystery if it killed me.

MUSIC: ENDS.

***

SOUND: TRAIN MOVING, MUSIC.

CONDUCTOR: If you’ve enjoyed this tale, please consider donating to The Penumbra on Patreon. Our artists work tirelessly to bring you these stories, and if you have the means, we hope you will support our efforts. Every dollar helps. You can find that page at patreon.com/thepenumbrapodcast. If you support us on Patreon at the $10 level or higher, you’ll receive access to commentary tracks like this one, from actors Joshua Ilon, Kat Buckingham, and Simon Moody, and co-creator Sophie Kaner:

SOUND: TRAIN STOPS, DOOR SLIDES OPEN, RAIN.

SOPHIE: (LAUGHING) Looking back—

JOSHUA: Benzaiten.

SOPHIE: —I did not put enough weight on that cartoon that I hadn’t been aware of.

SOUND: LAUGHTER.

KAT: My, I wasn’t involved with the writing of this, so my biggest regret, for this episode, is that his nickname isn’t Bent. Bent Steel.

JOSHUA: Oh.

KAT: That’s what I want.

SOUND: GROANS.

SIMON: Oh, come on.

KAT: What? Nobody else was thinking it?

SIMON: (LAUGHING) That’s so good!

SOPHIE: And, we get to learn one more thing about Ben, that we didn’t get to know before…

JOSHUA: He’s a Taurus.

SOUND: LAUGHTER.

And so is Juno, ‘cause they’re twins!

SOPHIE: They’re twins!

SOUND: DOOR SLIDES SHUT.

CONDUCTOR: You can also support The Penumbra by liking us on Facebook, following us on Twitter @thepenumbrapod, following us on Tumblr @thepenumbrapodcast, telling your friends about us, telling your friends to tell their friends about us, and especially by rating and reviewing our podcast on iTunes. Every rating, comment, and kind word spreads our stories further and inspires us to keep creating more and better tales to come.

We would like to give special thanks to all who support us on Patreon, but especially to Vron, Charlie Spiegel, Minchowski, Jaimie Gunter, and the Princess and the Scrivener for their incredibly generous contributions per episode. Thank you.

This tale, Juno Steel and the Promised Land, was told by the following people: Joshua Ilon as Juno Steel, Kat Buckingham as Alessandra Strong, Simon Moody as Mayor Pilot Pereyra, Sophie Kaner as the Piranha, Noah Simes as Peter Nureyev, and Kiki Samko as Sarah Steel.

This tale also featured: Lauren Shippen of The Bright Sessions as Erin Marshall D’Arc, Zach Valenti of Wolf 359 as Marshall Erin D’Arc, and Rich Wentworth of Hadron Gospel Hour as the mysterious voice in the walls.

On staff at The Penumbra: Kevin Vibert is our lead writer and recording engineer. Sophie Kaner is our director and sound designer. Grahame Turner is our script editor. Noah Simes is our production manager. Alice Chung is our designer and financial manager. Kat Buckingham is our publicity director. Original music by Ryan Vibert. Promotional art by Mikaela Buckley.

The Penumbra is created and produced by Sophie Kaner and Kevin Vibert.

I’m afraid this is the end of the line for today, dear Traveler. We hope you will ride with The Penumbra again soon.

ALL SOUNDS: FADE OUT.

[nebulous-frog]

Parent Ph(F)an

Summary: It’s way too hot and Dan is way too tired and his daughter is way too interested in something that could chop her fingers off, so he uses it to play a game instead.

Word count: 2194 

Rating: G

Warnings: None whatsoever

Genre: Extreme Fluff, Humor, Parent!Phan

Author’s Note: Thank you @imnotinclinedtomaturity for betaing! I love you <3

This was written for @phandomficfests‘s Summer Sounds flash fest.

Link to AO3 Fics Masterlist

After five minutes of frantic searching, Phil groaned in despair.

They were out of coffee.

Most of the time, they could make it through two weeks between their grocery deliveries, but apparently this was not one of those times. Phil supposed it was largely due to the fact that Emma hadn’t really been sleeping in the last week, which meant neither he nor Dan had gotten much sleep, either. Unfortunately, the crabby sleeplessness was augmented by the fact that Britain was currently experiencing a horrific heatwave and their flat had no aircon. It had been a rough week.

Phil trudged back into the lounge to tell Dan about the coffee situation, but stopped, in awe of the sight before him. He didn’t think he’d ever get used to seeing such a touching domestic scene.

Dan was gently swaying with their 9-month-old adopted daughter on one hip and one hand supporting her bottle of milk. Leaning against the doorframe, Phil took it all in slowly and happily. Dan’s eyes were surrounded by dark circles and his hair was an absolute rat’s nest, but he still looked at Emma with such adoration in his eyes that Phil found it hard to breathe. Dan had the cutest gentle smile on his face as he gazed into Emma’s eyes and hummed a made-up song.

After a minute or so of Phil watching from the doorway, Dan looked up and saw Phil. The delicate smile grew into a relaxed grin that had Phil’s heart thumping even harder with affection.

“Hi,” Dan giggled.

Emma giggled and gurgled in response to the noise from Dan. Dan turned his head to look back down at Emma with a loving look, then copied her gurgle.

“Aboo da wa? Abba da woo da?” Dan shook his head gently with a bright smile on his face, still staring at Emma.

“You’re so cute,” said Phil. He walked over to Dan and Emma, leaning across Emma’s small body to press a chaste kiss to Dan’s lips.

“Yeah, well, you’re pretty sexy,” Dan teased.

Phil gasped indignantly and covered Emma’s ears. “Dan! Tiny baby ears!” He giggled a smidge too much for Dan to believe the reprimand, though.

“Alright, Grandma.” Dan rolled his eyes. “It’s true though,” Dan said with a wink and a smirk. “You are incredibly-“

Phil slapped a hand over Dan’s mouth before he could finish. “Baby ears!” he insisted sternly, pretending to be offended on Emma’s behalf.

Dan giggled and kissed the palm of Phil’s hand, before reaching up with the hand not supporting Emma to pull it away. He held Phil’s hand, letting their palms dangle between them. “Did you put the coffee on?”

Phil sighed dramatically, sounding exhausted. “No, we ran out. I just came in here to tell you that I would go get more.”

“Ugh, okay,” Dan huffed. “Could you pick up Starbucks on the way back? I don’t want to have to wait for you to come back and then make the coffee and everything. I’m kind of dying.“ Dan turned his face back towards Emma and spoke in a slight baby-talk voice, “ Isn’t that right, Emma? Isn’t that right? And it’s your fault, yes it is!” He booped her nose, which made her giggle.

Phil chuckled. “Of course I’ll get Starbucks. I’ll be back soon.” Phil bent over a bit to look more directly into Emma’s eyes and smiled at her. “Be good for Daddy, okay?” He kissed her forehead and straightened up as she let out the perfect baby-talk screech of joy.

“I love you,” Dan said. He pulled Phil forward and kissed him again, before gently pushing him away. “Now go get me some coffee before I lose my mind.”

Phil laughed and reached his hand out to brush a stray sweaty curl back from Dan’s face. “I’ll be right back.” He left the room and Dan heard the front door close behind him a minute later.

Dan looked down at Emma again. She was holding her own bottle, but wasn’t really drinking from it anymore, so he took it and set it down on the coffee table.

“What shall we do, then, Emma?” Dan took her off his hip, holding her by her underarms, then lifted her above his head and swung her back down to his chest to the sweet melody of hysterical giggles.

Dan grinned. This was his favorite part of being a dad: making his precious little girl laugh. Her big blue eyes and dark puff of hair, combined with the endearing chunky baby fat, made every giggle that much more endearing, and it always gave Dan a rush to realize that she laughed because of him. The joy that idea brought him was unreal.

He set Emma on the ground to move some toys out of the way so they could play on the floor, and she immediately took off towards the tall rotating fan in the corner that Dan had turned on to try to cool off the room. Dan let her slowly waddle in that direction for a moment as he cleared the area, but swept her up before she could grab the fan and get her petite fingers stuck. He brought her back over to the play area he set up and managed to distract her for about a minute before she clambered up and made a break for the fan again.

“No, Emma, we don’t touch that. That’ll hurt your fingers, and we don’t want that,” Dan said as he picked her up again. He leaned in close to her face and smiled, shaking his head and affecting his Ultimate Baby Voice. “We don’t want that, no, we don’t want that!”

Emma giggled and grabbed Dan’s nose, arms and legs flailing somewhat wildly.

Dan laughed. “You are too cute, little miss Emma.”

He brought her back to their play area and handed her a miniature ball, and she was distracted yet again.

It didn’t last long, however, and Dan soon found himself picking her up, setting her down, and chasing after her again repeatedly. By the sixth or seventh time, he was even more exhausted and hot than before and slowly growing more and more irritated. He hadn’t gotten enough sleep in so long, the lack of caffeine was starting to really get to him, and he was so done with Emma’s inability to listen to his instructions. Dan knew it wasn’t her fault that she wasn’t old enough to understand yet, but he felt so helpless when she continued trying to do things that would hurt her.

“Emma, no! Stay over here!” he cried desperately, practically begging his daughter for a moment of peace. She snuck past his arms and he dove after her again. Emma made it to the fan and reached up to touch it, but Dan made it to her just in time. From behind the baby, he bent over, accidentally putting his face directly in front of the rotating fan and managed to pick her up before she could hurt herself. “We are not playing with the fan, Emma. No.”

Something occurred to him this time, though, as his voice echoed back to him when he spoke near the fan. Dan remembered how he and his brother always used to like talking into the fans and hearing how weird their voices sounded because of it. Maybe he could try that with Emma. Of course, he would have to hold her back from the fan so she wouldn’t grab it, but he could totally do that.

Idea now set, Dan turned away from the fan, still holding a squirmy Emma, and grabbed a nearby chair. He moved the chair in front of the fan and sat down with Emma in his lap, arms wrapped securely around her torso.

At least this’ll cool me off a bit for now, even if she’s not entertained, Dan thought with a sigh.

The moving air only sort of helped to push away the heat, however. Mostly, it just pushed warm air directly into Dan’s face.

Dan sighed in irritation at how the fan just changed how the heat reached him rather than actually cooling him off. Hopefully, Emma would be entertained enough to make Dan’s plan worthwhile.

“Okay, Emma, since you’re so intent on this fan, I’m going to show you something.” Dan leaned forward as the fan swung around to face him and Emma, then spoke into it. “Hello, Emma! Doesn’t this sound silly?”

The fan made Dan’s voice slightly tinny, echoing back to him and Emma with undertones in a higher pitch.

Emma giggled softly, but mostly sat entranced by the slight distortion of her dad’s voice.

Dan leaned back a few centimeters as the fan rotated away, then leaned forward again to say “Ahhhhhhhhhh” into it when it spun back around.

Emma giggled again, then reached forward in Dan’s lap to grab the fan.

“No, no, stay back,” Dan gently warned. He wrapped his arms more firmly around her middle and trapped her hands under his forearms, giving her just enough room to wiggle to give her the illusion of freedom while still keeping her from hurting herself on the fan.

Dan leaned and yelled into the fan a few more times before Emma finally began to catch on. Almost.

“Ahhhhhh,” Dan said again. He had lost track of how many times he’d done this now. He leaned back slightly, as usual, to wait for the fan to swing back.

“Ahhhhhh,” said Emma.

Laughing, Dan shook his head. “You’re so close, Emma! The fan turned away, so it won’t make the noises anymore. You have to wait for a time like this,” Dan explained fondly, leaning forward and yelling into the fan again when it was positioned correctly.

As the fan turned away, Emma yelled like Dan but missed the echo again.

“Well, you’ll get there. You’re just so adorable trying, though.” Dan pressed a kiss to the top of her head and continued the game, Emma still failing to yell at the right time.

While they goofed around, Phil returned from the store, but Dan didn’t notice Phil come in. Phil dropped the instant coffee off in the kitchen and made his way to the lounge, where he could hear voices and giggles.

What he saw was truly the sweetest thing he’d ever witnessed.

Dan had a huge grin on his face, as did Emma, and Dan looked like a total dork as he leaned towards the fan and yelled while Emma giggled and missed every time.

Phil immediately took out his phone to film this amazing incident, setting everything he was carrying down onto the floor for a moment. After he caught about a minute of Dan and Emma’s silly game on video, he picked up the goods again and made his presence known.

“You two are too perfect for this world, you know?” he said softly, not wanting to disturb the moment.

Dan’s head snapped around at Phil’s voice, mouth already open around a wide smile to reply, but froze with his mouth hung open when he saw what Phil was carrying.

Phil had brought home not only Starbucks coffee, but also a chocolate bar and a bouquet of red roses for Dan’s hopelessly romantic side.

“I brought a surprise for my extremely adorable and wonderful husband,” Phil said with a grin.

“Oh my god, Phil! That was so cheesy,“ Dan groaned through his grin. His cheeks had turned a soft pink and Dan was sure his heart-eyes were on at Maximum Affection.

“You love it,” Phil replied with an awkward wink.

Dan stood up with Emma, resting her on his hip, and gave Phil a quick peck on the lips. “Of course I do.”

“I love you,” Phil whispered with a smile. He leaned in again, kissing Dan more firmly. He rested their foreheads together and smiled.

“I see Emma is enjoying the fan,” Phil said with a soft chuckle. “I may or may not have filmed some of it because it was too cute not to,” he confessed with a grin.

Dan laughed and pulled back from Phil, shaking his head and looking down at Emma again. She seized his chin and giggled.

“Someday, Emma, you’re going to be horrifically embarrassed by the two of us and all these videos your papa can’t stop taking of you.” Dan booped her gently on the nose.

“Hey! You’ve been taking videos, too! You can’t blame the digital scrapbook entirely on me,” Phil whined. He lightly punched Dan’s free arm, then remembered an interesting fact that made his eyes light up. “And, if I remember correctly, you were the one that started it with that video of when we first met her!” he teased Dan.

“Okay, okay, fine,” Dan conceded, shaking his head in fond exasperation. “Maybe both of your dads are embarrassingly in love with you, Emma.” He leaned down and kissed Emma’s forehead, laughing as she grabbed his nose.

Phil let out a loud laugh, then helped Dan pry her little fingers off his nose.

“I think it’s safe to say that she’s embarrassingly in love with us, too.”

[kingofattolia]

a list of things about Star Wars: The Last Jedi

TLJ felt like watching two completely separate movies. .. .  one i deliriously LOVED and one i spit upon and shake its profane dust off my sandals

THE GOOD

“ive got an urgent message for General Hux” “YOUR REBELLION IS DOOMED” “yeah... im holding for General Hux”

it straight up took me a minute and a half of this scene to figure out this was actually the start of the movie. it felt like one of those pre-movie skits where it seems like a movie but then anthropomorphic M&Ms tell you to turn your cell phone off. was it just me or were there a LOT more comic moments in TLJ compared to almost every other star wars movie? anyway i loved it even tho it gave the movie a slight someone-made-this-while-high-on-LSD feel 

Leia USING THE FORCE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

R2 playing Luke the “you’re my only hope” recording of Leia, i almost died

FORCE SHENANIGANS. we saw more powerful, dramatic, and varied uses of the Force in TLJ than we have ever before seen in a live action media and i was L I V I N G

“you’ve closed yourself off from the Force”

Rey and Kylo’s foRCE BOND TALKING like this.. . . is so interesting .. .  and it wasn’t only Snoke doing it because they did it again after he’s dead...

Rey lifting 30 giant fricken boulders without even breaking a sweat after having one (1) single “training” session

Kylo remotely activating Anakins lightsaber

projecting himself........ across the entire galaxy. . ..

Yoda. in the former EU the Force ghosts had a non-negotiable expiration date a certain time after their deaths. Obi-Wan couldnt just come back and visit Luke forever, he faded away at some point. is this no longer true??? DOES THIS MEAN ANYONE CAN COME BACK IF THEY WANT??? why was yoda so physical even as a ghost that he could whack luke on the head

summoning lightning like alright this is a new Jedi power im adding to my arsenal

Leia’s mary poppins action

Luke vaulting across the cliff to stab fish

POE'S CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT he turned from a kamikaze into a leader who's able to see the big picture and walk away, im so proud

everyone..... messing with Hux...... i loved this

Snoke smacking him into the floor

Kylo smacking him into the wall

Kylo force choking him

slowly taking gun out. . . . . HES AWAKE ABORT ABORT... slowly putting gun back . . . Hux is going spend every waking moment wishing he took that shot

Finn's character arc, like what an awesome Slytherin. the contrast between him and the codebreaker 👌👌👌👌 & where he makes the choice REBEL scum 👌👌👌

LET'S GO, CHROME DOME

i cant believe Phasma died again lol. her backstory novel was SO DRAMATIC and she just dies over and over

when Kylo does that little skid out into the hallway to look for Rey

Chewy breaking down Luke's door

when Luke kisses Leia on the forehead . . . .

kylo KILLING SNOKE I AM LITERALLY SO HAPPY. I AM SO HAPPY. IM SO

this had to happen, it was so obvious but i didnt think they would actually do it, Snoke was so boring and useless, i am SO GLAD they didnt drag him out..... I AM SO HAPPY HES DEAD

it was truly awesome... i couldnt stop grinning it seeing it the 2nd time... "I CANNOT BE BETRAYED, I CANNOT BE BEATEN, I CAN SEE HIS MIND" & then he narrates the entire process of Kylo killing him i was LIVING. everyone theorized for so loooooong and so hard about what form Snoke's control over Kylo took and how it would be possible for him to break it,, , , and then he just DOES IT JUST LIKE THAT by SHEER MISDIRECTION FOLKS I AM SO ALIVE

THE TEAM UP FIGHT

i love lightsaber fights so much i would very nearly give up my critical integrity for a single awesome duel and this was,,, so awesome

when Rey drops her lightsaber to catch it again and cut that guys knees out from under him

when Snoke is cut in half and then the lightsaber rockets towards Kylo and Rey's hand SHOOTS INTO THE FRAME to catch it 👌👌👌

when Kylo takes on FOUR OF THEM AT ONCE

"THE SUPREME LEADER IS DEAD" "long live. . . the supreme leader .. "

not gonna lie, i am such a huge fan of supreme leader!Kylo. CAN HE EVEN LEAD ANYONE??? DOES HE HAVE THE CAPABILITY?? HONESTLY WHAT DOES HE WANT TO DO? WHAT WILL HIS SELF-DIRECTED MISSION BE? VADER NEVER GOT TO BE ANYTHING BUT AN ATTACK DOG, WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING TO HAPPEN

I HONESTLY HAVE NO IDEA BUT IM SO HYPE TO FIND OUT

THIS IS BRAND NEW

"finn! rose! you're not dead! where's my droid"

the little slave kids from Canto Bight. did the kid at the end use the Force to pull his broom!??!

"that library did not contain anything the girl Rey does not already possess" Yoda thinks hes so funny. REY STOLE THE LIBRARY LMAO... thanks Rey... im glad someone around here has a brain...

the Falcon swooping in to draw off the TIEs on Crait

"OH, THEY HATE THAT SHIP"

Vice Admiral Holdo's lightspeed kamikaze. . . aside from the drama of the moment & making Hux look stupid, just visually it was awesome

absolutely every single thing said by either Hux or Kylo in Kylo's command shuttle above Crait

"i want every gun we have to fire on that man"

"blow that PIECE OF JUNK oUT OF THE SKY"

when kylo's like "concentrate all fire on the speeders" and then Hux immediately shrieks "CONCENTRATE ALL FIRE ON THE SPEEDERS" and Kylo looks at him like 🤔

"do you think you got him?"

when Luke faces Kylo

WHEN LUKE FACES KYLO

this scene makes the movie for me honestly. as of now im in a state of uneasy ceasefire with TLJ and the sequel trilogy as a whole. if the scene of Luke facing Kylo did not exist, TLJ would probably be dead to me

"did you come to SAVE MY SOUL" "no."

absolutely everything about Luke was so completely epic in this scene. even though he barely said anything, even the way he stood was epic. im not sure how Hamill did this but it was everything i ever wanted

"i failed you, Ben. I'm sorry." "i'm sURE YOU ARE"

the contrast between Kylo's fighting stance and Luke's

when Luke steps out from the massive cloud and duSTS OFF HIS SHOULDER

this fills me with so much pure glee i could literally ascend

"if you strike me down in anger, i'll always be with you. like your father."

the slow, dawning horror when Kylo starts realizing Luke's not actually there

"see you around, kid"

"SEE YOU AROUND, KID"

"SEE YOU AROUND, KID"

my favorite line in the WHOLE THING i could Scream

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

AHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHH

"SEE YOU AROUND, KID"

when Rey slams the door in Kylo's face

THE BAD

Luke should have LIFTED HIS X WING OUT OF THE WATER WITH THE FORCE AT SOME POINT GOSH DARN. i knew from the moment we saw the submerged x wing that this moment was meant to happen.... but then it DIDN’T. like PLEASE. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO GOOD I NEED TO SEE THIS

the casino subplot. . .  it was awesome for Finns character development but couldn’t he have developed character over an actually materially relevant story arc.. . .

BB-8 didn’t fight Dark BB-8 like what the hell honestly

for what earthly reason does Kylo need to wear his pants up to his armpits. is he TRYING to look like a doofus

why wasn't Lando the master codebreaker. like quite frankly, give me one good reason. why. no. there are no good reasons. when is Lando going to come into it you cowards

honestly....... what the FRICK was that horrible backstory behind what caused Kylo to turn

WHAT THE FRICK

im trying to keep my cool but this is a huge, enormous, and vital problem i have with this movie and whoever came up with that should be shot

Luke, in a brief moment of insanity, ignited his lightsaber over his sleeping nephew's bed to assassinate him because of a vision

LUKE SKYWALKER the guy who wouldnt believe that DARTH VADER, ENSLAVER OF WORLDS, SLAUGHTERER OF CHILDREN, MASS MURDERER OF THOUSANDS, was a lost cause and who refused to kill him, TRIED TO KILL HIS APPRENTICE IN HIS SLEEP

like... do you see my problem?

character assassination. it is ludicrously greater-than-Anakin Skywalker levels of overreaction to a Force premonition that Luke would see a vision of darkness and instantly move to slice his sleeping, defenseless nephew in half, and even in Luke's version of the story Luke is legitimatly the bad guy. he brought about the future he was afraid of, just like Anakin

because of this background, every interpretation is blown wide open to reasonably see Kylo as the victim and Luke's actions as those of a villain. of course he had to defend himself? it's legitimately possible to construe the subsequent killing of the other students as self-defense as well. if they wake up to find Ben having "killed" Luke? anything could have happened, Kylo could honestly have done barely anything bad up to this point and have been driven to the dark side on that one night

it's going to take.... so much work.... to walk this back. obviously Kylo's a villain now, because of what he's chosen to do since then, but for Luke to come out of this not looking like trash, they would have to provide SO MUCH more backstory including the "dark" things Kylo had done to make Luke suspect him, and have him probably be actively seeking darkness while under Luke's tutelage. and then Luke still seems like a fool and a betrayor

maybe they WANT Luke to come off as a legitimately bad person? i've seen some interpretations of TLJ as tearing down "legends" by showing everyone as flawed people, teaching the lesson of not deifying people to Rey AND the audience as well. if thats true and they actually want me to believe Luke is not worth believing in, i'm sorry but i reject that

luke skywalker is not a bad person

rey said "you didnt fail Kylo, Kylo failed you" WHICH... its true that Kylo failed in all his actions after this. but if this is the unmitigated truth about what happened that day, Luke definitely failed Kylo, thats not really arguable

i spit this backstory out of my mouth and stomp on it

bye felicia

"the legacy of the jedi is failure and hypocrisy. at the height of their power they allowed darth sidious to come to power and wipe them out" ok true. "it was a jedi master who was responsible for the training and creation of darth vader" YOU TAKE THAT BACK

a related point..... Luke is a coward.

i'm not saying that the only kind of Luke i would accept is HEROIC LEGEND LUKE WHO BURSTS FORTH FROM HIS ISOLATION AND SINGLE HANDEDLY DEVASTATES THE FIRST ORDER. but at the same time, his isolation is NOT in any way comparable to Obi-Wan's. "i came here to die" ok buddy.

dying is all well and good, hiding from your failures, being broken for a while after taking a hit like that

what i am NOT able to forgive is how he abandoned Leia

???? the frick???

"so many losses, i can't take any more" "sure you can" STORY OF LEIA'S LIFE

"im from the resistance, your sister Leia sent me" boy when she says jump you better say "how high?" honestly YOU OWE IT AT LEAST TO YOUR GUILT TO DO THAT FOR HER

HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE? SHE'S ON HER OWN DEALING WITH EVERY PROBLEM IN THE WHOLE GALAXY AND HE'S DOING WHAT? YOU'RE TELLING ME LUKE WOULD HAVE ABANDONED HIS SISTER LIKE THAT??? AND WHEN SHE SPECIFICALLY ASKS FOR HIM HE SAYS "no frick u" ?!?!?

if that's Luke Skywalker then Luke Skywalker is a useless coward

that is not Luke Skywalker

honestly everything Rey said was spot on "Leia sent me here with hope. if she's wrong then she deserves to know why. we all do"

the overall thesis of the sequel trilogy seems to be "there's no point to any of this"

a powerful student turns to the dark side and destroys the Jedi Order. an authoritarian regime destroys the republic and takes over. a small band of resistance fighters rallies against great odds. a Force sensitive from a desert planet teaches herself the Force from old Jedi books after her teacher evaporates into the Force after teaching like 1 lesson. everyone Leia loves dies

guys... i'm tired

it's just exhausting. what is the point? in the sequel trilogy we've seen the republic destroyed, the resistance decimated and harried from place to place until theyre down to 12 people on the millennium falcom. there's only one movie left. they're going to come back from nothing and destroy the first order and then smile at each other in the ashes?

why?>??? what are they going to do? build a republic again? is rey going to build a new jedi order? we've seen how that worked out

there's nothing to believe in here. HOPE is such a strong theme in the sequel trilogy. "as long as there's light we've got a chance" "leia sent me here with hope" "the galaxy has lost its hope, the spark is out." "hope is like the sun, if you only believe in it when you can see it you'll never make it through the night." like good grief. constantly hammering on the need to have hope, but WHY?

what's the point of defeating the imperials, spending your life trying to build something good in the galaxy, trying to build a family, when you're only going to have to do it all again in your old age, when everyone you love is dead?

i cant see any hope if this is the ending for the OT characters, so i powerfully struggle to care about and cheer for Rey, Poe, and Finn. what's the point in anything they're doing? what's the point in the sacrifices they're making? it might turn out just exactly like it did for Luke, Leia, and Han, spending their old age in loneliness, sorrow, and violence

if this is the way history repeats itself, you probably should just make out like the stuttering codebreaker. "dont join"

[mcyourbiisshowing]

Prompt JD apologizing to mc w flowers after a prank gone wrong

Ahhhhhhhhhh. So cute ;-; 

MC sighed as she sank into the pillows of the couch- flicking through the channels of the TV, pulling the hood of her onsie as far as it could go. Grace popped her head through the doorframe.

“Coffee sis– oh damn, what’s got you in a fowl mood?” MC looked up sharply, before she grimaced. 

“Nothing.”

“Mhm sure. You only use the hood of the onsie when you’re upset. Or when you miss JD but you’re too embarrassed to ask them over.” Grace flashed her sister a grin as she jumped onto the couch next to her. Heat rose up to MC’s cheeks, shaking her head. Ok, yeah, the pajamas’s did smell a lot like JD. But that definitely wasn’t the reason. 

“I don’t want to see JD.” She muttered, avoiding her sisters eyes. 

“What? You never not want to see the devil! What did they do?” Grace narrowed her eyes, “You literally spent the last three nights at their place, what changed?” 

MC sighed before she pulled down her hood. Grace let out a small noise of pain. 

“Oh fuck.” 

“They replaced the conditioner with hair bleach.” MC mutters- pulling the hood back up over her now blonde-ended hair. 

“I’ll get you a hot chocolate.” Grace says softly, before jumping back off the couch and heading to the kitchen. MC didn’t see her head bow over her phone as she turned the corner. 

Ten minutes later Grace was back in her room and MC sighed as she swirled the drink in the cup. She knew Grace did her best. There was the soft rumble as cars passed by on the main road, but then as the minute ticked by it grew quiet yet again. 

Until a soft knock at the door. 

‘11 O’clock…..Must be Mac.’ MC reasoned, before lowering the TV down. 

“Doors open!” She yells, putting the rest of the hot chocolate on the coffee table. 

“I thought I got you outta that habit?” MC’s face darkened as JD’s voice floated from the door as it pushed open. She looked over at them, scowling while they smiled sheepishly. When she didn’t smile back, their face dropped and they bit their lip. 

“I don’t want to talk.” She mutters, turning away from them. Guilt pulls at her chest when she catches the flicker of pain crossing their face. 

“Look, I know you’re mad at me. I swear, the prank was meant for Razi. He uses the damn conditioner all the time, and usually the first out of bed in the morning. He can just fix his hair.” They run a hand through the hair at the back of their head nervously. 

“I didn’t exactly expect you to be up early.” They cough quickly, and MC catches red rising up their neck- and she feels her own face heat as she realizes the implications. 

They come a few steps closer, crouching down in front of her so she’s forced to meet their eyes. 

“Forgive me?” They produce a small bundle of flowers from behind their back. They’re bright orange, several petals going down the stem. There’s a couple of bright red roses stuck in the middle as well. Their eyes were wide, and a flicker or worry passed through them. Her heart melted a little and she sighed as she pulled them up to the couch. 

“You’re lucky you’re cute.” She mutters, burying her head into their chest. She feels them relax, as if a coil had them wound up tightly. She feels their arms wrap around her tightly.

“Still mad at you. But still, Jordan Davies buying flowers, who knew.” 

“Don’t worry, I know. And, you know. Only because I love you.” Their hand comes to the back of her head, fiddling with the attachments on the hood. 

“What’s the orange ones?” MC finally detaches herself, but still leans into them. JD’s chest puffs up slightly and they look really proud of themselves for a few moments. 

“Password?” 

“JD what–”

“Password!”

The word slips from MC’s mouth automatically. 

“Gladiolus.” 

“Exactly.” 

MC’s confused for a few moments, before she remembers.

“Gladiolus. It’s a flower- named after a sword.” 

“How fancy.” The JD of her memory grins. 

“Just because I don’t use ten cent words doesn’t mean I don’t know them.” 

 MC can’t help it, she let’s out a small laugh as she regards the bright orange flowers. JD smiles slightly, rubbing a hand up a down her back.

“Thank God you two made up.” Graces voice comes from the doorway and MC smiles at her sister slightly.

“I’m still mad at them.”

“Yea,” Grace sticks her tongue out at them- which they return, “so am I, by the way.” 

“Hey, I was already on the way when you got onto me.” 

“Grace text you?” MC cocks an eyebrow - twisting her head to look at them. They grin sheepishly. 

“Called actually. Remind me never to get on the bad side of her, by the way.”

 “You said that to me as well.” Grace laughs.

 “Yea ,” JD’s brow wrinkles, “You’re both equally terrifying in your own ways.” Graces laugh carries all the way to her room, and MC shakes her head.

“Hey, I know you hate blonde hair.” JD mutters, twisting a bleached strand between their fingers. “But I have another surprise if you want….” MC sits up, shaking a hand through her hair. JD grins and goes to the door, grabbing something before shutting it again. 

A paper bag swings from their hands, and they bound to the coffee table, before tipping the bag upside down.

Several dye bottles clatter onto the table and MC has to move her cup to make sure it doesn’t spill everywhere. JD grins wickedly, producing a pack of gloves. 

“Any color I thought you would like I kinda picked up….” They grin, rubbing the back of their neck, “I do my hair, soooo I hope you’d trust me enough to do yours.” 

“You dye your hair?! It’s not naturally that color?” JD’s eyes go wide.

“No! My hair is normally this red. I just add the orange for the dramatic effect.”

MC grinned, before she eyed and picked up the purple bottle. 

MC grinned, running a hand through her hair.

“Oh, I have to take a picture.” JD smiled wickedly, slinging an arm around her waist and pulling her right next to them. 

“Ah! JD!” MC covers her face with her hand, only peeking her eyes to face the camera. JD grins the widest grin possible, before shooting the picture to the group chat. 

MC’s phone pings and she takes it out, still firmly wedged between JD’s body and their arm. 

‘LOOK WHO I’VE CORRUPTED INTO HAIR DYE. Next thing ya know MC will have a piercing or two??’ ~JD

‘You didn’t corrupt anybody- you’re trying to make up for the prank.’ ~Raz

‘No! I totally had brown hair dye there that she could have picked!’ ~JD

‘Bussstteedd.’ ~Grace

“Shut up’ ~JD

‘Are they flowers I spy in the background Jordan??’ ~Mac

‘LOL YES. JD’s totally smitten but they refuuuuse to say it.’ ~Grace 

‘MC, idk what you’ve done to them,’ ~Mac

‘They traveled to the city on their bike to get them.’ ~Raz

I can’t help but laugh, nudging JD in the ribs as they try cover their blushing face. 

‘Shush you guys, I thought it was super sweet.’ ~MC 

‘Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.’ ~Grace

‘thanK YOU FOR COMING TO MY DEFENSE.’ ~JD

‘How do you feel about MC turning you into a romantic JD? Hm??’ ~Mac

‘No comment,’ ~JD

‘I love them either way :D’ ~MC

‘Ugh, just get back to kissing in person you two and stop being disgustingly in love in the group chat.’ ~Grace

I laugh again, putting my phone on the coffee table and grabbing JD’s before they can say anything else. A small sound of surprise leaves their mouth as I put it on the table, before draping myself over their lap. They don’t complain, grinning and carefully putting their arms around me. Their expression turns somber for a moment. 

“I really am sorry about the dye--” 

I quieten them with a kiss, smiling slightly. 

“You’re forgiven.”

“It’s unfair how adorable you are.” JD mutters, running a hand up and down my stomach, speaking in between kisses, “especially in that damn onsie.” 

I try my best to pout and JD groans, shaking their head. 

“I was doomed the minute I saw you,” 

I grin, putting my forehead against theirs. 

“It just took you a bit of time and a face-stealer to face it.” 

“Oi! I saved your ass.” 

[lovingmybaealways]

6: First Morning . . . Fifth Round

Chapter 6 of my first morning with Young-bae.  He is like the Energizer Bunny who keeps going and going and going....

(Smut warning... enjoy!)

"Mmmmmmm.   Ahhhhhhhhh..." I moan as I slowly wake up from my erotic dream of Young-bae eating me out.  I was terribly aroused and felt that I was almost ready to cum when I fully awoke and realized it wasn't a dream after all!

Young-bae was down at the end of the bed between my legs, licking and sucking my clit while his fingers were rubbing up and down my slit.

"BaeBae" I moan.

"Good morning my Jagiya." he murmurs against my clit, sending vibrations through me  "Sorry to wake you so early but I was hungry..." and laps at my pussy to demonstrate what he was hungry for.

"Ahhhhhhh" I groan as I clutch at his head and arch my hips up.  "I'm......ahhhhhhh....almost there..."

Young-bae flutters his tongue against my clit and replaces his tongue with his thumb with inserts his fingers into my pussy.  Just as I as about to come, he slows down and just pets my clit and and licks the juices that are running out of my pussy.

"BaeBaaaee" I whine.  I was so close.

"Soon Babygirl.  We've got lots of time." he murmurs as he continues licking me.  He moves one of his hands to fondle my nipples.

I groan and reach out to grab his cock.  I can't even wrap my hand around it since it's so big, but I do my best as I stroke him from base to tip.  Young-bae groans and sits up on the bed.  He flips me over so that I'm on my stomach and he adds some pillows under my hips so that my ass is sticking somewhat up in the air.  

Young-bae gets behind me and spreads my legs apart.  He leans forward and licks me from clit to pussy and pussy to clit and back.  He then tongue fucks my pussy while rubbing my clit.  I moan into the pillow, trying to muffle some of the screams and moans coming out of me.

Young-bae continues licking and sucking my pussy and increasing the pressure of his fingers on my clit.  I am on the edge of an orgasm when Young-Bae pulls back and stops.

"BaeBae!!"

Young-bae chuckles as lowers himself atop of me, bracing his arms and legs on the bed to keep his weight off of me so that I am not squished.  His chest is against my back, his hips against my ass, and he maneuvers his hard cock between my folds.  He flexes his hips and his shaft slides against my slit.  We both moan at the pleasure this brings.

"Oh Jagiya.  You feel so damn gooood"  Young-bae whispers against my neck as he drops kisses on my neck and shoulders.  He shifts his weight and moves one of his hands to my clit and starts rubbing circles around it.

"Ahhhhhhh" I moan.

"Babygirl....I really want to be in you right now so badly but I don't want to rush you.  I can wait until you're ready whether it takes a month or a year."

"BaeBae, that is so sweet but are you serious?  We've already done everything else" I gasp.  "And I don't think I need to wait.  I really want you in me...it's like this emptiness that can only be filled by you..."

Young-bae stops moving, and says "Honey are you sure?  You mentioned earlier that you haven't done this before, so you're a virgin?  I don't want you to regret this later."

"BaeBae, are you serious about me?" I ask as I turn to head to look up at him.

"Honey, absolutely!  I am a pretty religious person and have never wanted to just fool around with any girl.  I've been waiting to meet that one right person, and I believe it is you.  Though it might sound corny, when I first saw you, it was like you were the only person who existed in that entire club and that everyone around you disappeared.  I could only see you!  I fell in love with you the minute I saw you.  To be really honest, I didn't want to move this fast.  I didn't want to scare you away.  However, I just can't get myself to leave your side and I just want to love you!"

His eyes were clear and guileless and his tone rang with sincerity.  Deciding to go with my heart, I say "While I think we are moving too fast, I don't know whether we can stop it right now.  Let's just go with the flow and see what happens.  I don't know if it is love...but I truly do like you.  I've never been this attracted to anyone before.  I really do want to be with you, and I really want all my "firsts" to be with you."

Passion darkens Young-bae's eyes as I talk. He swoops down and kisses me passionately as he wraps his arms around me in a tight hug.

Young-bae sucks my bottom lip into his mouth and I moan loudly so he moves his hand back to stroking my clit, and resumes flexing his hips to slide his shaft against my slit.

"Mmmmm BaeBae" I gasp as he starts to increase the speed of his hips.  I can feel my stomach start to tighten and my orgasm explodes causing me to arch my back, but Young-bae pulls my lower half tightly against him as he continues to thrust against my slit.

"Hmmmmmm Honey...you are sooooo wet.  It makes it easier for me to slide back and forth..." groans Young-bae.  He is now sliding his cock almost all the way off my slit and back towards my clit, making each thrust long and sweet.  He increases his pressure on my clit and...

"Ohhhhhhh!" I scream as a second orgasm hits me. I shudder and shake and I instinctively shift my hips back as he is thrusting forward and we both freeze as the head of his cock slips into the opening of my pussy.

"Ahhhhhhhhh" moans Young-bae.  "Don't move!  Give me a minute and I'll pull out.  Your pussy is just so hot around my cock.  It feels so good!"

"Mmmmmm" I moan. Only the tip of his cock is in me, and it feels so good already.  How much better would it feel if it was all in me?  With that thought, I shift my hips back trying to get more of his cock inside me.

I succeed as more of him slips in before he grabs my hips to hold me in place.  "Stop" he demands through clenched teeth.  "If you keep this up I will definitely end up taking your virginity today.  I'm trying to take it slow..."

"BaeBae, please..." I beg.  "I want you to be my first.  Please!"

Young-bae closes his eyes and I can feel his whole body tremble against me as he fights within himself to make a decision.

Playing dirty, I contract my muscles around his cock and squeeze him.

"Ahhhhhhhhhh" moans Young-bae "You don't play fair...   Look at me Honey!"

I turn my head and look at Young-bae.  He looks deep into my gaze and says seriously "I will be your first and your last love."

With that he thrusts all the way in and breaks the barrier of my virginity.  I scream in pain, and he keeps still inside me, letting me get used to his size.  He gently rubs my clit and drops kisses on my neck and back.  "Shhhhhhh...it's okay my Jagiya.  I'm sorry, it will only hurt for a little bit, I promise.  I won't move until you're ready."

After a few minutes, the pain starts to subside as I get used to his cock.  I am starting to feel the pleasure build up from Young-bae's stroking of my clit.  I tentatively move my hips and find that it doesn't really hurt but feels a bit uncomfortable.

"Mmmmmm...Babygirl.  That feels so good.  Are you okay?  Does it still hurt?" Young-bae asks.

"Ummm..I think it's okay.  It just feels a bit uncomfortable and...different." I say.

"Okay, that is good to know."   Young-bae increases the pressure and speed of his stroking on my clit, making me pant.  He then moves his other hand up to tweak at my nipple.

I can feel an orgasm coming on and I start shifting my hips a bit, trying to get Young-bae to start thrusting his cock inside me but he's not cooperating as his hips are pressing mine down on the bed.  "BaeBae...." I moan.  "I want you...."

"Jagiya....I don't want to hurt you.   I just want you to cum first, okay?" murmurs Young-bae against my neck.  He licks my outer ear and sucks my ear lobe, sending shivers through me.

I can feel my core tighten, and my orgasm explodes when Young-bae pinches my clit and sucks at the sensitive spot behind my ear.

"Aaaaaaahhhhhhh!" I scream as my pussy muscles contract around Young-bae's cock and floods it with my cum.

"Mmmmmmmmm" groans Young-bae.  "Fuuuuck.  You feel so good wrapped around me!"  He tentatively starts thrusting his cock slowly in and out of my convulsing pussy. "Ahhhhh...your pussy is so tight.  It keeps trying to suck my cock in...and you are so damn wet...oooohhhhh...I'm not going to last long....mmmmmmm"

I can feel another orgasm mounting.  Young-bae's cock makes me feel so full and it feels so good as he thrusts in and out of my pussy.  "BaeBae, I think I'm gonna cum again!" I gasp.

"Cum Babygirl.  Cum for me.  It feels so good when you cum on my cock."  Young-bae grasps my hips and moves higher onto his knees.  With this new position, his thrusts now become deeper and faster and hits my g-spot every time

My orgasm crashes over me as I scream into the pillow.

"Ooooohhhhh Honey...you're so tight!  Your pussy is squeezing my cock.  Ahhhhhhh...you feel so incredible!" Young-bae gasps as he continues plowing hard into my pussy.

"Ahhhhhhhh" I scream again as an even stronger orgasm starts before the last one ends.

"Oooohhhhh Jagiya.!" groans Young-bae as I completely clamp down on his cock.  After a few more thrusts, he pulls out and strokes his cock furiously and shoots load after load of cum onto my ass and back. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

Young-bae then flops down to lie beside, giving me some gentle kisses.  We are both worn out and can't seem to move.  After a few minutes, he gets up and goes to the bathroom and comes back out with a couple wet warm cloths.  He wipes off his seed from my backside and gently cleans between my legs.  He then wipes himself down and climbs back into bed.

Young-bae re-arranges me so that I'm lying on top of him, and pulls the blanket up.  He strokes my head.  By this time I am almost sleep when I think I hear him murmur "Saranghaeyo my Jagiya."

Chapter 7: First Morning . . .  Sixth Round

[katybeth23]

New Story..... " Full of Surprises "

Please excuse me as I am very new to this. A little fan fic I wrote especially for Izzy This story takes place after the events of Episode 10 13 "home sweet home". I hope you enjoy it :-) "You're pretty handy with a Sander Lise" .... Jack chuckled to himself "You sound surprised" was Lisa's reply, eye brows raised and a cheeky grin forming across her face.... "Well aren't you just full of hidden talents!!! "I am one lucky cowboy" he quipped "Yes, yes you are" Lisa grinned... Everyone else had settled in again for the evening, so Jack had taken the opportunity to sneak away with Lisa so they could try to get Amy's rocking chair finished in time before the new baby arrived..... Like on so many previous occasions at 'Heartland' trying to do anything in secret or with out an audience seemed at times almost impossible... Jack & Lisa rarely had anytime time alone these days, aside from when the went to bed at night, but sleep came quickly these days too with all the day to day activities, Jack assisting Amy with clients horses & Lisa between work trips and looking after Katie....any time alone was deemed ' precious'. The night was crisp and the barn was freezing....Jack had given Amy strict instructions to stay clear of the office this week, he and Lisa wanted to finish her rocking chair and they didn't want her to see it until it was complete. Lisa sprinted accross the yard & back into the house.....the warmth of the fire hit her as soon as she walked in the door.... She had prepared a little 'picnic' for them both earlier, she looked forward to this time alone and was excited at the prospect of finishing Amy's baby shower gift. Some sandwiches, mini muffins & steaming hot coffee should do the trick she thought to herself as she pulled on her jacket & headed back out the door and into the cold night air and across the yard.... The sky was ablaze with a huge moon & a million stars....Lisa paused for a moment and looked up...a bright light out to the north stood out from the others..." There's our star", she smiled to herself and she made her way in to the barn. Lisa stood at the office door, Jack was humming to himself as he worked away on Amy's chair..... Perhaps it was meant to be? Lisa mused to herself She and Lou buying the same stroller for Amy as a baby shower gift..... Now she and Jack could finish the rocking chair Jack had started months ago when Ty & Amy had moved into the loft. This would be a special gift...one that she and Jack could make together and then in turn give to Amy & Ty together. "OK Lise" Jack lifted his head from under the chair and held out a paint brush and a small tin of Cream Beige paint, a colour which Lisa had chosen earlier that week in town. "She's almost done" Jack remarked proudly "And she's guna be a beauty"!!! "Ahhhhhhhhhh" Jack moaned as he got to his feet slowly....his arthritis had been playing up these past months....and early mornings and late nights were always the worst. "Right then, here is a nice warm cup of coffee honey". Lisa knew that Jack's aches & pains were never a topic for discussion, so she had worked out little ways in which she could relieve his pain with out have to 'discuss it' at all. Jack looked accross at Lisa and smiled as she went on painting....he knew she could see he had found these past months trying at times and that he was in some discomfort, however Lisa also knew that Jack hated 'fuss' and even more he hated talking about it.... He smiled again...at the thought of Lisa always trying so hard not to make a 'fuss' ( something she found extremely difficult), but how she always managed to find a way to ease his soreness without making a big deal out of it. As Lisa finished painting the last part of the chair leg, Jack sighed. He found a stack of small bales to sit back on that were by the office door. " We make a pretty good team you & me!!" Jack boasted playfully "We could make a builder out of you yet Lise, he continued......aside from a few basic misunderstandings, you have done alright".... "Well Thank you VERY much!!! " Lisa mocked, hands on her hips & nose scrunched up.... "But I'll have you know Jack Bartlett, that wood work was one of my top subjects at school"...she tried to remain serious, but Lisa couldn't help but burst out laughing. Her building skills were indeed very basic, but she made up for it when it came to painting and decorating, she though to herself. "Yup!!....the perfect team you and me!!"....she looked at Jack and smiled lovingly at him....her blue eyes sparkled in the light. "You do the building and I'll take care of the painting & the finishing touches".... Jack admired the newly finished Rocking Chair, it was perfect.....actually it was more than perfect, and he was certain that Amy would love it. Jack's gaze turned from the chair to Lisa....she busied herself, tidying up all the tools, the paint brushes and any mess they had left.... Lisa could feel Jack watching her...."what?" She said softly Jack leant forward and pulled Lisa onto his lap and kissed her....."it's perfect" he whispered. "And who would have thought" he continued... "That together we would have so many hidden talents!!!" Lisa's face lit up with her beautiful smile as Jack leant in and kissed her again....only this time he kissed her more deeply and with a passion that took Lisa's breath away..... "WELL"....Lisa pulled back, her eyes never left Jacks... "You are full of surprises AREN'T you!!!!!" Lisa caught her breath... "Sure Am!!" .... "And that's what makes us the 'Perfect duo'" Jack winked As he pulled himself up onto his feet, Jack smiled as he took one last look at the rocking chair, he was proud of what he and Lisa had achieved & couldn't wait to see Amy's face when they gave it to her. Jack stopped, he switched the light off and closed the door behind them. He reached out and touched Lisa's arm..... "Are you ok?" She asked But before she could say anything more Jack scooped her up into his arms, kissed her gently and carried her accross the yard and back into the warm house...... " Couldn't be better" .....Jack pushed open the door of the house with his shoulder as Lisa let out a giggle... "That's me" Jack said playfully "Just full of surprises"

[lexxfics]

Finding My Happily Ever After

Chapter 1 - Who Are You

Want to read the intro before continuing? Click HERE

"And then the prince leaned in and kissed her on the lips, his heart breaking at the sight of her laying there. When she didn't move he was upset that he could not bring her back for her friends and for him, as he had fallen for her at first sight." I read aloud, the twenty tiny toddlers leaning in to hear what would happen next.

"BUT WAIT!" I suddenly screamed, making them gasp.

"Just when they had given up hope, her eyes started to open. She was dazed and confused but none of that mattered. She was alive! The dwarves jumped up and down with glee and as the prince looked back to see what the commotion was about, he was shocked to find the once lifeless princess was standing up-right, as if she was just sleeping before.

"He ran over and picked her up in his strong, manly, attractive arms, and swung her ar-"

"That isn't actually in the story!" One of the kids interrupted my daze, making me realize that I had been too caught up in the moment.

"O-Oh...my bad..." I turned away embarrassed as the children giggled at me, my cheeks turn a light shade of crimson. Determined to finish the story, I turned back to the book after clearing my throat.

"And so...Snow White had decided to live with the prince and everyone lived..."

"HAPPILY EVER AFTER!" The children screamed with me. They all clapped their hands as I shut the book close. I rose from my seat.

"Okay that will be it for today! It is time for you guys to go back to school." I said. The kids all groaned and whined.

"But I want to hear another story!" One of the little girls said cutely, pouting after saying so.

"I want to hear the story about the brave prince who fights the evil dragon to wake up the sleeping princess with a kiss!"

"I really like the one where the girl pretends to be a man and fights for her country! That one is my favorite!"

"I want-"

"Okay, okay!" I shouted, trying to get the children's attention. They all became quiet and waited for an answer from me.

"We will read another one another time but that is it for today! I want you guys to go back to school and focus really hard now okay?" I said, bending down to their level, they all shook their heads and started to get up. I slowly rose with a smile on my face and watched them as they walked away. One little girl, the same one who pouted before, came running back to me and cutely looked up so that she could see my face.

"Miss Choi?" She said quietly. "Is there such a thing as a happy ending?" I was taken back by her sudden question and lightly giggled. I bent down so that I was level with her eyes as I talked to her.

"Why do you ask that?" I questioned, my thoughts circling as to why she asked me.

"Because all fairy tales have happy endings. It seems too good to be true. Will I ever get a happy ending?" She asked. I saw that she was on the verge on tears as she asked me, clearly upset by something. I smiled reassuringly at her and pulled her in for a hug.

"Of course! We all have a happy ending! And someday..." I pulled her back to look at her in the face.

"Your prince will come for you too." She grinned widely at me and gave me another quick hug before bowing towards me. I giggled at how adorable she was.

"Good-bye Miss Choi!" She waved as her teacher ushered her outside. I waved back and as soon as she was gone I sighed, exhausted. That was the fifth class of kids today at the library to come hear me read a story and I was extremely tired.

Before sitting down and knowing full well that I would not want to get back up, I quickly cleaned up the area that we were sitting in. I fixed the chairs and picked up some of the wrappers that the kids had left behind from before.

Everything else done, I went to go put the book away as I picked it up and examined the cover.

"Is there such a thing as a happy ending?"  

I honestly have no idea. I am 23, single, and my so called happy ending is no more. My husband left me, my parents think I'm a disgrace and the one person that made me incredibly happy has left my life. Forever.

Tears welling up in my eyes, I patted my face to get myself to cheer up, trying to make the thoughts disappear. I looked back down at the book and smiled.

Maybe there is no such thing as a happy ending after all.

I walked over to the shelf with a wide array of books and placed it back in its place. I skimmed over the titles of the books, feeling each of the covers with the tip of my finger, and then took a seat in one of bean bags on the floor. People were done coming for the day and so with the small bookstore closed, I slowly drifted into a deep sleep.

~~~

Opening my eyes, I awoke to sounds. Still half-asleep, I rubbed my eyes to see better as it had gotten dark outside and there was not a single light on in the room.

"Hello?" I called out. No one answered. I thought that I had been imagining the sounds when it happened again. Tap, tap, tap.

I froze. I slowly got up from the floor, trying not to remain quiet. I quickly moved my hand in the dark trying to find some sort of weapon when I grasped onto a flashlight that I left on the table from before. Scared to turn it on, I held it out in front of me as I walked towards where I last heard the sound.

Tap, tap, tap.

I climbed up the stairs to where my apartment was above the bookstore. The door was ajar. My heart started to race as I tiptoed over to the door and peeked inside. I quietly stepped in and when I heard the familiar sound towards the kitchen I walked softly to the wall and breathed out as I tried to calm myself down.

Afraid, I peeked around the corner and saw that the fridge in the kitchen was wide open and there was someone in front of it. Fear controlling me, I quickly turned back around.

You are seeing things. This isn't happening. This isn't happening.

I slowly moved to peek again to see the the fridge was still open and the person was still standing in front of it. I placed my back against the wall again and quickly reached into my pocket for my phone to dial 911. I hit the sleep button and when it didn't turn on, I started to panic.

I hit it multiple times and silently hissed when I realized that it had died.

Damn it...What do I do?

Breathing slowly to calm myself down, I convinced myself that if I got close enough to them that I could hit them with the flashlight and knock them unconscious. I just had to hit them hard enough.

Preparing myself, I walked out from behind the wall and faced towards the fridge, my flashlight between my two hands in a swinging position for when I got close to the intruder.

One step at a time, I slowly made my way over to the fridge, eating sounds becoming louder as the person chewed with his mouth open.

"This is soooo gooood," The person said, making me freeze. I heard him sigh and stop eating. My eyes widened, afraid that he had heard me.

"You," He started again. "You are so beautiful," He held up a piece of leftover pizza from the night before and resumed eating, making me less nervous.

I continued to move forward and when I was close enough I stopped and saw that the person in front of me was not human.

I dropped my flashlight unconsciously as I stared at the creature in front of me. The flashlight fell to the ground and made a loud THUD.

The creature stopped and turned towards the sound and slowly looked up to meet my gaze.

I immediately started screaming.

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" I yelled.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The creature yelled along with me, shocked as I was.

We both screamed and when I stopped the creature continued to scream as if he was in more shock than I was. Beyond frightened at this point, I lost my ability to think properly and started to ask it questions.

"WHO ARE YOU?" I shouted, making him stop screaming.

"WHY DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU, YOU UGLY THING." I gasped at this harsh remark. I scoffed.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. You. are. ugly." I became enraged.

"You are one to talk. Have you looked in the mirror?" I spat. He laughed cockily.

"Why yes I have. And I am gorgeous thank you. Now...what do you want and why did you scare me?!" He suddenly questioned. I was in awe.

"Really? That is what you have to say? I should be asking you." I knelt down and picked back up the flashlight, keeping it to my side. "Why are you in my house!" I yelled, making him jump. He rolled his eyes and went back to eating the same pizza slice from before.

"I can't tell you," He stated. Anger bubbling inside me, I raised the flashlight, ready to hit him if he were to provoke me any farther.

"Tell me...or I will hit you!" I told him, trying to be as threatening as I could be - which wasn't very much so. He turned to look at me and glanced at the flashlight in my hand.

"You wouldn't dare," He threatened, turning around to face me. He was a lot taller than I thought he was when he walked towards me and practically towered over me. I backed up a little unconsciously, shocked by his height.

"I-I will! D-Don't try me!" I stuttered. He smirked at my nervous stance and started to get closer to me. His face only inches from mine as I backed up into the wall, trying to stand strong. He neared closer, and I felt his hands wrap around my waist, making me jump and immediately start hitting him in self-defense.

I kept on hitting him with my eyes closed, screaming as I did so. He put his hands up to block me but eventually fell backwards as I kept hitting him relentlessly.

"Stop it!" He yelled. I halted for a split second and opened my eyes to see that he was shaking and appeared to be upset. It took me by surprise to see him like that considering he was the one who broke into someone else's home. I let my guard down, feeling bad for a split second for hitting him when he suddenly pounced, grabbing both of my wrists and pinning me back up against the wall.

I was terrified but I tried everything in my power to not let him see it. His eyes stared deep into mine as he tried to read me. I gave back what I hoped was an equally intimidating stare when he let go of my wrists. He sighed. Very confused, I had no idea what to do at this point. He glanced back up at me and inched closer.

"Who are you?" He asked, his face looking more menacing than before.

"Why should I tell you?" I responded, not clearly thinking straight. He scoffed at my response and grinned.

"Someone is a little cocky are they?" Folding his arms in front of his body, he stared at me wanting to know what I was thinking. "I need to know because I am looking for someone." He stated. I raised an eyebrow at that.

"So, breaking into my house seemed like the way to find them?" He quickly grew tired of how I was avoiding his questions and his face darkened.

"Look," He started, pausing a second before he continued. "I am going to tell it to you straight. I was told that the person I was looking for was here. So, when I got no response from the door downstairs, I saw that the window to the bedroom was open and I climbed through there. I didn't mean to completely intrude on your small shabby apartment, but when I saw the fridge, I found myself to be hungry and I just helped myself." I stared at him in disbelief. How the hell did he even get up here?

"Okay...well...I think the person you are looking for is not here. So it is time for you to leave before I decided to turn your ass into the cops." I said, feeling more confident than before. "Plus, I think they would probably do something even worse to you, considering the way you look, all blue and dressed in those pants. Like my heavens, what the hell are those pants?" I asked, pointing at them. He then shuffled as if embarrassed, and cleared his throat before he continued.

"They are popular where I came from, so if you hate on the pants, I will hurt you." He hissed, making me flinch at how protective of them he was. "Also, I did find the person I was looking for. You." My brows furrowed as I grew more confused by the minute.

"Me?"

"Yes, you. Your name is Sooyoung, correct?" I was dumbfounded. He must have known he was correct as he read the shock in my face, laughing at my expression.

"Wait...you aren't here to kill me are you?!" I panicked, realizing that I didn't know his full purpose for being here. I put my hands up in front of me as if to defend myself when he burst out laughing.

"K-Kill you?" He managed to say between his laughs. My scared form suddenly got annoyed at the fact that he was laughing for so long. I crossed my arms and waited for him to finish, my anger quickly rising.

"No, no, my dear." He responded, trying to regain his composure before continuing on. "I am here because I need your help." All this guy sputters out is utter nonsense. What the hell? I am looking for you, I need your help...

"Wha-"

"Shh." He silenced me, bringing a finger up to my lips to keep me from talking. "Let me explain." I glared at him as he removed his finger and waited for him to finish.

"I am not from your world. I am from what can you say...a different dimension. Something is happening in my world and when I tried to fix it they said that only one person could help. And that person is supposedly you. I mean looking at you, you look like nothing great but if I was told to find you from the higher-ups you must be something special." He eyed me up and down, taking me back as I tried to process what he had just told me.

"Okay...so you are telling me that you are from another world?" I asked, he nodded smugly. "Are you sure you are not high? Did you do some weird ass type of drug or some-"

"Me? Take drugs? Never. It would never affect me anyways." He waved off the thought, slowly backing up as he realized that I wouldn't run away now, or hurt him at the moment. He leaned up against the counter and picked his piece of pizza up off the floor and resumed eating it.

"Why not?" I asked, disgusted by watching him eat as he stuffed his face and it was all gone in seconds.

"Because drugs don't work on genies." My eyes widened at that and I burst out laughing. He was shocked at my sudden laughter. But come on. A genie?

"Wow, really what drugs are you taking. Because I think they are making you think some things." I said, still laughing. He was growing impatient at my laughter and without realizing it he suddenly grew in height, towering over me. I gawked at the sight of him, and how his once blue form was now red, most likely indicating that he was not finding this matter as funny as I did.

"Proof enough now?" He spat. I looked him up and down and jumped when I saw that his feet were now gone and it was in the shape of what could only be described as a tail. A freaking tail.

"I- Wha- I am so-"

"Stupid mortals." He stated as he slowly started to shrink back down. "So are you going to help me or not?" He pondered, looking over at my confused form. Trying to snap myself out of it, I shook it off and tried to maintain a stable look.

"W-What do you need help with?" I asked, following along with this nonsense as trying to figure it out was too much of a headache.

"I need help saving my prince." He stated.

"P-Prince?" I repeated. He nodded as if it was nothing and went to grab another piece of pizza out of the fridge, coming back in front of me after slamming the fridge door. Wait...

"Wait..where did you say you are from?" I asked.

"I didn't say but I am from a city called Agrabah." I gasped at his words, bringing my hands up to my mouth. Noticing my sudden change he stopped and glanced over at me.

"Is your prince's name...Aladdin?" He froze, startled that I could know of his name. "And you are his...genie, correct?" I prodded further, slowly connecting things together.

"Wow, you know more than I gave you credit for," He finished his piece of pizza and wiped his hands on his pants before glancing up at me again. "Yes, his name is Aladdin and I am his genie. I usually go by the name Jinwoon but call me whatever you like." He stated. As he confirmed what I thought, my heart rate started to increase. This isn't real right? Is this a prank? Because this isn't funny...

"He was taken by a sorcerer by the name of Jafar. My comrade Razoul and I tried to save him but no amount of magic that I used could break us into his palace. It was heavily guarded with many sentries blocking the walls and doors. We were out of options. The only other person that we could count on was also taken under his control and she is now a slave to him. It's horrifying really." I could see how he was struggling telling me all of this. He closed his eyes and exhaled before continuing.

"So when I asked the Higher-Ups, mainly other genies or magical beings that have been around longer than I have, they only knew of one thing that could help him. That thing being you." The very idea was beyond anything I have ever done before.

"Me? I am sorry Jinwoon but I have no idea how I can help. I am just a bookstore owner with her nose deep in stories. Unless you need someone to recite Shakespeare to you, then I have no idea how I can help you." I uttered, starting to feel bad for the strange man that was only looking for help. He sighed in frustration and shook his head.

"No. You are who I am looking for. I can feel it. I can sense this energy emitting from you. It's strange really as I have felt nothing like it before but it is almost overpowering." I sighed.

"Jinwoon. I am really a nobody. I don't know what you are sensing from me but I think your senses are wrong. I am anything but powerful." He lifted up from the counter and inched closer to me, examining every one of my features. His gaze flitted between each of my eyes and when he backed up, he silently cursed, making me bring my gaze up to him.

"Well," He started. "Magic or no magic, you are the only lead I have. So you are coming with me." He stated, grabbing me by the wrist.

"Wait, what? No, no, no, no, no! Jin-" Ignoring my remarks, he started to chant some type of spell in a language foreign to me. Trying to pull myself away, his grip tightened, not letting me go. Within seconds, he finished reciting the words and what could only be described as a crack in the atmosphere, opened up in front of us. I was in awe at the spectacle before me and not resisting anymore, he quickly pulled me in with him.

The room suddenly turned all black as we spun in circles, hands still tightly grasped, when we fell onto a grassy field. I had hit my head against something and I quickly rubbed it, wincing at the pain. I opened my eyes to find that I had fallen on top of Jinwoon.

"Can you get off of me?" He asked. I fumbled and got up off of him, embarrassed. I brushed the grass off of my pants and my shirt as he proceeded to stand up as well. As I looked around us, I was confused at what I saw.

The sun was shining down as bright as day as I looked around to see that we had landed in a secluded area. I quickly did a full turn and paused when I saw a castle only out of a fairy tale in front of us.

"Damn it," I heard Jinwoon hiss behind me. I quickly turned around to see him pacing back and forth.

"What? What is it?" I asked, just fully going along with what was happening right now.

"We are in the wrong world." He glanced at me and sighed, extremely frustrated.

"W-What do you mean?"

"I mean that I sent us to the wrong world. This is not my city. Curse my teleportation challenged self..." I tried not to laugh at his words when I heard a bell chime in the distance. I turned around to hear the distinctive ring coming from in the direction of the castle.

"So what world are we in then?" I asked, curious.

"No idea. But we can't leave. My power only lets me make a portal if the world is balanced, and everything is going how it should be. And for some reason, I am not able to make one here." He answered.

"Then how were you able to leave your world?"

"It was with the help of the Higher-Ups. They can only do something like that ever so often and seeing how desperate I was to help my prince, they granted me my wish - to find help." My eyes softened as he spoke. He was being sincere about helping him. I mean they were best friends in the story so it makes sense. I was about to speak, when the bell chimed again, making my attention turn elsewhere.

I unintentionally started walking towards the castle when I was pulled back by Jinwoon.

"Wait." He said.

"What?"

"We can't go out there."

"Why not?"

"When people who are not part of a certain world enter it, things can happen that can change the whole outcome of what is supposed to happen. Like the butterfly effect." I gave him a face, realizing that he was probably right.

"Well we can't just sit here. If we can't leave this world, then there is something obviously wrong. We aren't going to be able to leave if we just stand here. What if someone else needs our help or something and that is why we were sent here first?" He looked surprised at my response. I snorted.

"I can put two and two together. I may not be magical but I am quick on my feet." I smiled. "I really think that we should go check it out. What will going into the town do? We can just say we are travelers or something." I suggested. He seemed to ponder my idea and after a minute he nodded.

"Okay. But first, we need to change to look like the people here." He said, and I became confused.

"What, you mean my jeans and t-shirt aren't fairy tale enough for you?" He laughed.

"No, I am just saying that we need to fit in or else we will be drawing unnecessary attention to ourselves. Just give me a second..." And in a second he vanished from in front of my eyes.

"Where the-"

Before I could finish he was back, holding a lavish maroon color dress in his hand and had already changed into a black-tie suit.

"Please tell me you just found these laying around somewhere and you didn't steal them." His silence gave me the answer I didn't want to hear. Wanting to hit him from stealing from others, I snatched the maroon dress out of his hands and started to take off my tee when I felt his stare at my back. I turned around to find him staring at me.

"Can you turn around you pervert?" I retorted. He rolled his eyes and turned his back to face towards me, mumbling something inaudible under his breath. I quickly changed out of my clothes and slipped into the dress, surprised that it was more form fitting than it appeared.

I glanced back, content to see that he hadn't moved. I cleared my throat and he turned back around. After looking me up and down for a second he nodded his head, giving me a thumbs up. I laughed at his reaction.

"What should we do with our clothes then?" I asked, holding them out in front of me. He grabbed them and went and placed them behind a tree near us, making sure to cover it under leaves so it would not be discovered as easily.

He came running back to me and was ready to go when I stopped him. He looked at me confused.

"Really? You don't think they are going to scream when they see a blue man walking down the streets? I thought you wanted to be subtle." He sighed and with a flick of a finger, he changed his skin tone to a pale color, looking more like a normal person than before.

"So you can change your skin color but can't manifest clothes out of thin air? What kind of genie are you?" I sassed. He walked ahead of me ignoring my remark  as we started to walk to the town. Fine, don't answer me, I pouted as I trailed behind him.

~~~

"Answer me!" I whined as we neared the town. He stopped and turned to face me.

"Are you always like this? So whiny and annoying?" We had walked for about a half an hour along the road leading to the castle and I had been bombarding him with questions, forever curious with the difference between worlds and his magic. It was all so new to me.

"Yes but you are the one who took me dragged me along without my consent so get used to it." I stuck my tongue out and he exhaled for about the 50th time today.

"Fine. Only two questions and that is it." He said, pointing a finger at me as I smiled brightly.

"Okay...let's see...did you really live inside of a lamp?" I asked as we continued to walk.

"Yes I did. But Aladdin released me as his last wish, setting me free. Even though, he said I could do what I wanted, I decided to stay by his side and help him until he was no longer in need of me or I was no longer wanted. I owe him my life." He answered, flashing a small smile before becoming stern again. "How did you know that though?" He asked, curious.

"Oh I know because of your story. Your fairytale." I responded, immediately regretting it. I wanted to mentally hit myself for saying things without thinking again as I was unsure if he knew about whether or not his life was a famous story.

"Ahh, so that's why...does each of these worlds have a story?" He asked, unaffected by my comment.

"I-I don't know...maybe? It depends on where we are. But I have read a lot of stories so I am hoping that if these worlds are anything like yours, then I might be able to help the problem and get us to your world even sooner." I answered. "I'm still surprised though," I started again.

"Why?" He asked, listening as I walked slowly behind him.

"That out of all the people in my world, that they said you needed me. I mean if all it takes is knowing tales as old as time, then there would have been thousands who could have gone with you instead." I pondered, letting my mind speak freely as I spoke aloud.

"I think it is like I told you Sooyoung," He responded. "I think they sent me to find you for a certain reason and like I felt before, there is another energy pouring out of you that I can feel. I don't know why you doubt yourself, but just know that you were sought out for a reason, alright?" He responded, my stomach flipping in excitement. Just when I thought my life had lost meaning...

"Alright..." I responded, smiling. "Ah! We are here!" I yelled, my excitement growing as we neared the entrance to the town. Jinwoon looked hesitant at first to enter but after I tugged at his sleeve to keep on moving, he walked ahead, sticking close to my side. Lots of people were going into the city, making it very hard to shuffle through.

At one point I almost lost Jinwoon but he caught up to me and grabbed hold of my hand to reassure that we wouldn't be separated again. I had to admit, despite him being a complete and utter stranger/robber a couple of hours ago, I was pretty comfortable by his side. Probably not a good thing that I trust people I don't know so easily but this situation is anything but normal.

After walking through what seemed like an endless sea of people, we reached the main gate to the castle. We both stopped in front, checking our surroundings. I noticed a sign saying that there was a royal ball tonight that started in a couple of hours. I stared at the words, circling through the tales I knew all too well to see if there was any idea of which world we were currently in.

"It seems like we should come back later," Jinwoon said.

"We definitely need to go to the ball tonight for sure. The world we are in is on the tip of my tongue but I can't think of it right now." I responded. He looked at me and noticed that I was in deep thought and tugged at my hand.

"No need to think about so hard. You will probably figure it out as soon as we get inside. Let's just look around until then okay?" He questioned, smiling. I nodded, taken back by his sudden gentle demeanor towards me. What a difference from his snarky self from earlier.

He then pulled me along with him as we once again went inside the crowd of people to look at some of the stands along the sidewalk. He took me towards a food stand, the waft of the fresh bread reaching my nose. I grinned instantly and wanted to get one. But then realizing I had no money, I pouted. Jinwoon seemed to notice my sudden change of emotion and reached out to give the tender some money to get a roll.

"Wah, who knew you could be so nice." I said as I watched him take the roll from the lady as we walked away. He instantly handed it to me and I grabbed it excited to eat it. He laughed at me.

"What," I asked as I stuffed my face full of the bread.

"Nothing." He chuckled to himself as I got self-conscious as to why he was laughing, making me realizing that we had still been holding hands this whole time. Not knowing what else to do, I continued to eat the bread and finished it quickly, feeling satisfied. Before I could thank him, he pulled me towards another stand - one that sells fruit. We were almost there, excited to buy fresh produce when I ran into someone, making her drop everything in her hands on the ground.

I let go of Jinwoon's hand and helped her pick up the dresses and other things that had fell. She mumbled thank you over and over again as I helped. I replied by saying that it was no hassle at all and it was my fault anyways for running into her. After picking everything up, I stared at her, recognizing her in a way, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

"Ella! Come now you fool!" A woman screamed loudly in the distance, making the girl in front of me jump at the voice. She bowed towards me again and I watched her run off towards the direction of 3 women, one seeming to be a mother figure and the other two about her age.

And that's when it clicked. Jinwoon then came back to my side handing me an apple as he bit into his when he stopped, noticing my dazed look.

"What? What is it?" He asked following my gaze to only find nothing in the direction of where I was staring.

"I know what fairy-tale we are in." I muttered. His eyes widened at the sudden development in a few minutes as he was away.

"It's a tale about a girl who is practically like a slave to her step family after her mother passed when she was younger. Her father then remarried to her now stepmother and later passed as well, leaving her to be treated horribly by her supposed family." Jinwoon paused at what I was saying, wanting to say something but instead trying to process what I was explaining to him.

"Otherwise known as the tale of Cinderella."

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog issue 12

lets do itttt

I love nick roches art...he draws rodimus so twinky, its a delight

ohhh I forgot abt the non-linear storytelling this issue. bangin

rewinds feet don't even touch the ground hhhhhh tiny

i fuckgin love that panel of skids talking abt briefing vs debriefing, everything both he and rodimus say is just golden

I love hearing tailgate tell completely made up stories from his primal vanguard days, that slaps storytelling-wise

HHHHHH and the fact that tailgate’s happiest memory is movie night at rewinds ;_; gosh

lmao I love whirl kicking down the door 

OOOOH and then the time skip!!!!!!!!! I fucking love non-linear stories

jesus, swerves whole face being gone is still disturbing

magnus rlly is a grade A badass. I forgot he has missile shoulders

rodimus saying ‘wham, bam, in the van!’ is my fuckgin favorite hvbsdhhfbhdjkf that's my son right there

cd saying that rewind is allergic to ultraviolet light [eyes emoji] remember how UV light is the only way to see mnemosurgery marks? that little detail must be in there for that ‘cd did mnemosurgery on rewind’ plotline that jro didn't end up doing (thankfully) 

I love how mtmte came up with a name for cybertronian marriage :) that's the kind of lore I want baybe!

also rewind and cd hhhhhh they....the og canon gays...confirmed outright in issue 12, which is so early on, considering!...its a beautiful thing. I will talk about the representation in mtmte Extensively throughout my reread since this is, yknow, Just The Beginning when it comes to canon gays - which, again, what a beautiful thing!

actually I'm not done. thinking abt the fact that this issue came out in 2012 and also this is freaking TRANSFORMERS of all things - a long-running franchise whose primary audience is adolescent boys - is extra amazing. augh, the representation! it gets me man.

ok, so, the story! jesus poor cyclonus

chromedome riding on the trex guy hbhsjkfbjshdf dude. I choose to believe that that’s his go-to tactic here bc he’s probably pretty terrible at fighting. idk how canon that is but I just see cd as the type of dude who cant fight well at all, regardless of how many fights he’s actually been in

minibot squad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm really interested in the little we see of general cybertronian attitude towards organics - obvs the decepticons think very little of them, and the autobots generally believe all life is important, but the post-war attitude seems a little more grey and I like that 

tailgate!!!!!!!!!!!! I love tailgate SO much. the way he volunteers to defuse a bomb that he has NO idea how to defuse, and the way he lies so quickly and casually? fucking love it 

and then he takes all of his bomb disarming cues from rewind, who ALSO isn't a bomb disposal expert by any means - like, tailgate risks both his own life and everyone else’s, just because he wont come clean about his real job - that's some [chefs kiss] characterization right there, I love it

augh I love how he prompts rewind, who of COURSE would have some idea about this as an archivist, for help, and rewind doesn't have any idea that tailgate’s even more clueless than him

but tg, being a generally good person, still tells rewind he should proooooobably stand clear - just in case!!!!! 

and then rewind whips out some marriage issues and tg is like ooookay then lol

cyclonus just stabbing people w/his hands....icon

whirl quoting the raw ass line ‘you, who are without mercy, now plead for it?’ nice

swerve. WHY would you point a gun AT YOUR OWN FACE. especially a gun made by BRAINSTORM. why did anybody let swerve handle firearms if this is how he does it. actually, why did anyone give swerve a gun after the thing w/rung. jesus yall. so not only are hipaa laws basically non-existent on cybertron, but gun safety is a rarely-taught thing as well. no wonder yall have issues

so cd must not like cyclonus bc cyclonus was the one who attacked kimia, where cd worked. right?? am I remembering tfwiki correctly? lmao 

OOOOF cd saying he was born w/out innermost....I cant remember, is it canon or just extrapolation that that isn't true, and rather it was that cd gave all his innermost energon away w/his previous husbands and whatnot, but he doesn't remember since he forgot about them? either way, oof

all the functionist history stuff is so INTERESTING...I could read an entire comic about just like, pre-war when the functionists were just taking over

tg saying he hates dominus - is that that tweet from jro where somebody asked him why tg said that, and jro basically said ‘he’s petty and jealous’ lol I fucking love it. I love how a character like tailgate, who is very ‘pure’/innocent, has flaws as well

cd has a good point - its hard to kill tfs. so, that makes it extra fucking depressing that cd was seeking out death to that extent

gahhhh the whole rewind-dominus thing is so INTERESTING - I love how vague things are...we only hear about dominus from other people’s perspectives; mainly rewind who clearly thought highly of him, but he’s obviously biased, so it’s hard to tell what dominus was REALLY like, especially with the unavoidable power gap between rewind and dominus...UGH its so interesting

oof, the whole dynamic of cd thinking that rewind cares more about dominus - dominus the ghost, and finding out what happened to him in general - than chromedome himself, is just so Ouch

and the fact that cd thinks that the SOLE reason that rewind is going into battle is so he can look for dominus, but tg makes a good point - rewind is likely also worried abt cd’s safety, especially after dominus disappeared how he did - rewind is probably terrified that the same thing will happen w/cd, bc rewind cares about cd just as much as he cared/cares about dominus, but cd cant see that. AUGHHHH the Complexity!! mannnn

HHHH and like I adore that this first gay couple we get isn't perfect, and that's OKAY bc they’re not The Gay Rep, we get plenty of other gays with their own 3-dimensional relationships....augh bruh it Gets me ok

AHHHHHHHHHH THE OVERLORD STUFF. AUGHHHHHH

who was that talking to cd?? I don't remember....it must've been drift, I think? or maybe brainstorm...

whirl :’) I mean, we find out later that its kinda his fault that rewind was blown up, but still, him putting his own life at risk to save rewind...aww

cyclonus be nice to tg, he’s trying to give you his cool baja blast innermost energon

CYCLONUS BE NICE :( :( :( 

we gotta have our slowburn, tho....OOOOUGH

hhhh and then cyclonus like, realizes how much of a dick he’s being and goes back to help tg.... ;_; 

cyclonus my man u are lucky that tailgate is so forgiving

and then we have whirl and cyclonus, which is another relationship i LOVE. their development is just...[chefs kiss]

cyc just grabbing tg by the head and YEETING him out the door...lmao

cyclonus’s extremely detailed threat to whirl came at like, the WORST possible time lmao 

alternatively, rewind unfortunately asked the worst two people for help at the worst time

also alternatively, tg defusing his first bomb ever based on instructions from another amateur was maybe not the best move

and of course whirl just deciding to lock cyclonus (and rewind whoops) in with a bomb lmao

the requisite to joining the lost light is that you have to be a complete disaster of a person, on some level 

cyclonus shielding rewind ;_; 

fucking love how they managed to have a cliffhanger w/the bomb going off, despite us seeing exactly what the outcome of that was earlier in this very issue. brilliant

ah, issue 12, the issue that officially canonized the gays and introduced us to a whole bunch of worldbuilding on cybertronian relationships. i love it! plus we have some fascinating backstory and some cool character stuff, and relationship development for tg and cyclonus. awesome stuff!

up next: humansona business! oh fuck yeah

[marvelsstyles]

My thoughts on Infinity War (spoilers)

Okay I've literally just gotten tumblr because i need to fangirl and no one i actually know will understand the hype i had (and continue to have even though i have seen it) for this movie. 

I’ve been looking forward to Infinity War ever since phase 3 was announced and i thought the day where i actually got to see it would never come. I have a crazy investment to these characters and to see them all together was truly phenomenal! Ten years of Marvel built to this movie and you could feel that when watching it. 

For me, Infinity War was everything I wanted and more. I went into it with hardly any expectations but a lot of speculations. What actually happened had me shook to the core. I sobbed so much to the point where after the movie my friends took the piss out of me for crying so much. It made me laugh very loudly. I was shaking and shivering the whole movie with anticipation and anxiety for what would happen next because at times i seriously didn't know. 

I saw Infinity War at 10am on April the 25th and then for a second time again at 10:15pm later that night and i still can't fully process it but here are my thoughts, feelings and opinions on INFINITY WAR: 

......

I don't think I'm going to be able to watch Thor Ragnarok the same ever again. Like this movie legit picks up straight after the wonderful happiness that is Thor 3 and just shits on that warm, light feeling you get in your chest when watching it

I didn't know Heimdall was in the movie so when i first him for a split second i was very excited and happy but then i realised he was going to die and began to get very emotional

Ebony Maw is reallyyyyy creepy

“We have a hulk” had me hollering!!!!!! This is a great call back to the first avengers but also an incredible moment for Loki’s character and development! Going from having that phrase being used by Tony as a threat towards him to Loki having full confidence Hulk has his back! god i love(d) a redeemed king

Thanos going full WWE on hulk oof

Thor and Loki’s relationship is beautifully tragic

Loki calling himself prince of Asgard and Odinson AHHHHHHHHHH :’(

“You will never be a god”

Thor crawling over to Loki’s dead body as this ship breaks apart broke me 

Thor deserves the world 

Bruce saying Thanos is coming sent shivers down my spine

Tony is so cute talking about having a baby stop

Tony literally carries the flip phone with steve’s number in it around!!!!!!!!!!

Even though Ned was on screen for two seconds he so precious! he better not have died 

Bruce not being able to turn into the hulk was great and tony telling wong to look after him

Tony was so fucking sassy omg and Strange was not having it

“Squidward” BITCH I CHOCKED AAHFUDFHAIWOEF

Tony and Peter fighting Cull Obsidian cracking jokes, having a lil convo like it was just another day, another problem 

Peter is so pure every time i saw him the second time i watched my stomach dropped 

Wong owning Cull Obsidian and transporting him!!

“Wong you’re invited to my wedding”

When peter pulled off his mask going up into space oof my boy looked so good in this movie

The iron spider suit is sooooooooooo cool holy shit

AND Stark’s nano iron man suit is wicked

So much happens in this movie i forget when what happens but lets talk about Wanda and Vision yo they're actually so frickin cute!!

Vision getting all nervous and stumbling over his words

“I feel you” :’(

I jumped when Vision was stabbed

Wanda is so powerful

WHEN STEVE CAME OUT OF THE SHADOWS OOOOOOOOOOOO I LOVE ONE (1) MAN!!!!!! THE WHOLE CINEMA GOT SO HYPED WHEN HE CAME

Nat is wonderful, the loml, she looks like a whole snacc

So happy to see Falcon back 

Love seeing the CA:WS trio back again they work so well together!

When i heard music playing i got so happy!! i knew the guardians were coming 

Gamora grooving and singing along god we didn't deserve her but she deserved better

Starmora was beautiful in this movie but once again totally fucking tragic 

Quill getting jealous over Thor

‘Rabbit” !!!!!!!!!!!

The Thor and Gamora moment was so pure god we really don't deserve them two

Every interaction between Thor and Peter Quill was hilarious 

Thor, Groot and Rocket: a trio I never knew i wanted

Again I have lost where we are but lets talk about Tony and Spidey god i love their relationship 

“Have you seen this really old movie Alien”

Again Ebony Maw is actually real scary (and very preachy) but lol when he died 

Strange saying he’ll sacrifice Tony and Peter to save the stone but later giving up the stone for tony 

Also quickly while Im on that if people are confused as to why he just gave up the stone this is my theory or what i took away from it so basically when Strange went forward in time and saw they could only win one way and then they fail, the next best scenario is not letting Tony or Nebula die because they're deaths would be useless. Thanos was always going to get all the stones and do the snap, killing half the universe but tony wasn't one of them so it would have been a useless death having tony die protecting the stone hence why Strange gave it up (sorry if this doesn't make sense, it does in my head aha)

Peter again just being pure and so happy when he finally becomes an avenger (which only lasts a day...)

Falcon asking where to go and Cap saying “home” :’)

Cap basically telling Ross to fuck off ooooooof go off 

Nat’s face lighting up when she sees Bruce (i don't ship it, i just love seeing nat happy)

Cap being a concerned smol bean who i love 

T’Challa!!!!!! He didn't have much screen time which is understandable since his movie legit just came out

The White Wolf i love it

Gamora’s flashback was so sad

It killed me when Gamora was asking Quill to kill her if Thanos took her and making him swear on his mother’s life

AND FINALLY THEIR KISS

DRAX THINKING HE’S INVISIBLE

I literally thought Gamora killed him for a second but i knew it was too good to be true

“You should have gone right”

God Chris Pratt’s acting killed me in this! It was phenomenal!!!! I seriously did not expect it from him! The pain he was able to show on his face when he was going to kill Gamora was gut wrenching 

It was great to see the reality stone used like that

THEIR I LOVE YOUS

AND GAMORA’S BREAKDOWN WHEN SHE THOUGHT SHE KILLED THANOS I WAS A MESS

Thor deserves the whole cosmos he has lost so much

Chris Hemsworth’s acting was amazing when he was having that convo with rocket

And seeing rocket act so compassionate and empathetically was wonderful 

TYRION

Gamora telling Thanos how much he made her hate her life AGAIN SHE DESERVED BETTERRRRRRR

NEBULA MY POOR BABY

Nebula and Gamora another beautifully tragic sibling relationship

Loved that the soul stone was somewhere new and not anything like what everyone was speculating 

Red skull i was shook!!! i knew he had been teleported somewhere and not dead!!!!

I SOBBED WHEN GAMORA WAS SACRIFICED SHE DESERVED BETTER 

ZOE IS ALSO AN AMAZING ACTRESS 

THE SCORE IN THE BACKGROUND

THE SCENE WAS TRAGIC AND SO UNSATISFYING GOD SHE DIDNT DESERVE TO DIE LIKE THAT AT THANOS BENEFIT GODDDDDD

“LITTLE ONE” I HATE HIM BUT HONESTLY THIS BROKE ME

The fight between part of the guardians and Tony, Spidey and Strange was AMAZING IT WAS SUPER SHORT BUT MADE SO GIDDY!!!! It reminded me of the airport scene in civil war!!!

“I’ll do YOU one better. Why is Gamora?”

“i can take it” “no he can't” i love drax

The banter was gold 

When Strange said there was one good outcome I flipped 

Cap and T’Challa’s relationship is so pure i love it

Okoye is my love

Rhodes pranking Bruce ahhh i love my pure children

Bucky and Cap!!!!!!

Shuri being the smartest bitch out!!!!!

“Vision get your ass back on that table”

M’Baku calling T’Challa his brother :’)

T’Challa, Cap and Nat pissing off the Black Order issa mood

The Wakanda battle was wicked

Thor swinging Rocket’s ship around and continuing to call him rabbit

Thor literally taking on the force and heat of a star 

Teen groot picking up the scorching hot Stormbreaker axe (lowkey making him worthy) and making Thor a handle and saving his life

When Thor, Rocket and Groot teleported to Earth i literally squealed!!! For me this was one of the best moments of the film!!! And then Thor just started whooping ass!!!! He truly is the strongest avenger, physically and psychologically. 

Thor and Cap’s little moment i love them 

“this is my friend tree” “i am groot” “i am steve rogers”

Wanda coming down and saving the day oooof

OKOYE, NAT AND WANDA THE TRIO I HAVE BEEN DREAMING OF

Bruce in the hulk buster suit was amazing and hilarious, okoye’s little side eye of judgement

I was so worried about Shuri when ugly (don't remember his name lol) came for vision

The fight on Titan against Thanos was spectacular and thrilling 

Spidey again so pure and innocent stop pls

My heart was racing, i was on the edge of my seat when they nearly got the gauntlet off his hand

AND THEN WHEN QUILL FOUND OUT ABOUT GAMORAS DEATH AND TONY WAS TRYING TO CALM HIM DOWN I WAS LITERALLY GOING INTO CARDIAC ARREST!!!! PETER’S FACE AHHHHHHHH 

Spidey being pure af and apologising for not remembering everyone’s name i can’t 

When tony was stabbed i thought this was it 

PETER’S FACE WHEN HE ASKED “DID WE JUST LOSE?”

“We are out of time”

Everyone lining up to fight Thanos and just getting defeated so easily

Wanda destroying the mind stone and killing vision had me a complete crying mess

“I feel you” and the “i love you”

CAP HOLDING THANOS OFF THEN GETTING KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT HAD ME SO SCARED FOR MY BOY BUT I KNEW HE DIDNT HAVE ENOUGH SCREEN TIME TO DIE

Wanda destroying the mind stone AND holding back thanks GOD SHE IS POWERFUL!!!!!!

When Thanos walked up to Wanda and started consoling her and calling her his child i thought he was going to take her and she was going to become the villain 

BUT THEN HE TURNED BACK TIME AND GOT THE STONE AND KILLED VISION AGAIN WHICH MEANT WANDA WAS PUT THROUGH ALL THAT PAIN FOR LITERALLY NOTHING AND AGAIN HAD TO SEE HIM DIE

HER “NO” WAS SO CHILLING

THORRRRRR OVERPOWERING THE FUCKING INFINITY GAUNTLET FULL OF ALL SIX INFINITY STONES AND FUCKING LODGING THAT AXE INTO THANOS’ CHEST

“I TOLD YOU I WAS GOING TO KILL YOU” 

WHEN THANOS STARTED SAYING YOU SHOULD HAVE GONE FOR THE HEAD I KNEW I JUST KNEW

SNAP

OOF

EVERYTHING after this moment was so hectic but so so so uncomfortably calm and eerie. No dramatic scores, no crazy reactions, the avengers literally react the same as we do

Baby Gamora :’((((

“What did it cost” “Everything”

“What have you done?”

The gauntlet busted and destroyed just like my mind

Cap being so utterly confused asking Thor where Thanos went pained me 

Bucky’s last words literally being “steve”, reaching out for him, collapsing, disappearing before steve’s eyes. Steve kneeling down placing his hand on where he was (i don't ship them romantically, their friendship is just so incredibly important and it killed me)

T’Challa fucking fading away i was shoooooooook and still crying and Okoye being so confused and concerned

Rocket having to watch his best friend Groot die again

FALCON!!!!!! 

WANDA LOOKED SO RELIEVED TO DIE SHE DESERVED BETTER

NAT RUNNING IN SO CONFUSED CAP SITTING NEXT TO VISIONS DEAD BODY

MANTIS DISAPPEARING AND DRAX DISAPPEARING CALLING OUT TO QUILL 

QUILL 

STRANGE JUST FADING AWAY

NOW THE PART THAT KILLED ME THE PART THAT TOM HOLLAND DESERVES A FUCKING OSCAR FOR THE PART THAT PROVES HE IS THE BEST SPIDERMAN (IMO) “TONY I DONT FEEL SO WELL” COLLAPSES INTO TONY’S ARM SAYING HE DOESNT WANT TO GO AND DOESNT WANT TO DIE TONY NOT BEING ABOUT TO DO ANYTHING TO SAVE THIS POOR KID PETER DYING TELLING TONY HE’S SORRY I CANT I CANT I CANT I WAS CRYING SO MUCH AND SO LOUD I HAD TO COVER MY MOUTH

NEBULA JUST LOOKING DEFEATED AS HELL “HE’S DONE IT”

TONY HOLDING HIMSELF AS HE HAS FACED HIS WORST FEAR EVERYONE DYING BUT HE IS STILL ALIVE AND HE THINKS IT HIS FAULT 

“OH GOD” SAME CAP SAME

THANOS SITTING DOWN WATCHING THE SUN RISE ON A ‘BALANCED’ UNIVERSE 

CUT TO BLACK, ROLL TO THE BLANDEST SADDEST CREDITS EVER WHICH NOW MATCHES MY MOOD (I'm not bagging out the credits i thought it was very effective for the movie)

POST CREDIT SCENE CAPTAIN MARVEL BITCHES HURRY UP BRIE LARSON 

Well that was it. This literally took me like 3+ hours to write and I'm not even finished. Before i go i want to talk about the main character

THANOS

IMO he is the best marvel villain ever. A thoroughly deep and complex character with a fleshed out motive and backstory. I understood him and for a slight millisecond felt a bit of sympathy for him. This was his story. The relationship between him and Gamora is so complex and compelling (and extremely toxic I'm so sad gamora had to be put through that). I understand he may be different from the comics but this version was great. From the very beginning we were shown just how powerful he is. Over this movie i actually believe he had a slight character development. BUT god do i fucking hate him he has killed and hurt all my faves! The purple grape ballsack can choke when hopefully Thor, Nebula and Tony get their revenge with a little help from Captain Marvel and the rest of the avengers. 

AND QUICKLY SUMMING UP MY FAVE PARTS

THE SNAP

Thor, Groot and Rocket landing on Earth

Cap coming out of the shadows

Guardians vs Avengers

Starmora kiss

Now to wait a whole god damn year until Avengers 4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!